my heart is yours to fill or burst
by rachhudson
Summary: This is how things always go, though, how they are doomed to always be, he fears, because he's in love with a girl who has a fiancé. AU


**oh my goodness this has been quite the project and it's really long so if you read all of it honestly i might kiss your face**

**this is based on jim and pam's storyline over the course of one of my fav tv shows of all time, the office! i've wanted to write this fic for a while, so i really hope you enjoy it :)**

**thanks to mary gael for being a fabulous bff and also writing buddy and reading everything i've ever sent her as well as to laura who was super excited about this fic and to shanna for reading and responding to snippets!**

**title is from 'hands down' by dashboard confessional :) i really hope you all like it! :)**

* * *

_my heart is yours to fill or burst_

He hates his job. He wants to quit every single day, but he doesn't, and he won't, because selling paper may not be all that exciting, but it does pay the bills, and anyway, he can't leave Rachel here to fend for herself against Jesse, his kind of insanely obnoxious desk-mate.

The paper company, McKinley, isn't very large, just a local business in Lima, Ohio, with a few other branches across the state and a corporate headquarters in New York City. He's a salesman, and so is Jesse, for that matter, and then there's Puck and Santana in their department as well. The accounting department is made up of Quinn, Mike, and Jake, and then Brittany is their customer service rep, while Blaine is in charge of human resources. Will's their boss, and he definitely thinks he's, like, the coolest boss ever, even though he's mostly just embarrassing, although Finn will admit that he does have his moments.

Then there's Rachel, the receptionist, and she's definitely Finn's best friend in the office. She's really cool, and basically since Finn's first day two years ago, they've been really close. She told him that Jesse was a bit on the strange side, and he made a face at her after Jesse asked him to _please_ not breathe too loudly, as it would possibly damage his impeccable hearing. Rachel had tried to stifle a giggle behind her palm, and that had been it. She's been his best friend ever since.

She's not happy here, he knows. And sure, he's not really happy either, but he never really had a dream, an idea of something bigger than working for a paper company. Rachel did; she was accepted to NYADA – this performing arts school that's apparently pretty prestigious – and everything, but she deferred when she got engaged to Brody, her longtime boyfriend, right out of college. Brody's kind of a dick, and just thinking of him leaves a sour taste in Finn's mouth, but that's not the point. Rachel could be a star, _should be_, even, but she's stuck in this town, and it just kind of makes him sad.

She's bigger than this place, and he doesn't know why she lets Brody or anyone else anchor her here.

He's sitting at his desk, drumming his pencil idly against the side, seeing how long he can do it before annoying Jesse. He glances over at the receptionist area and catches Rachel's eye. She smiles, then goes back to her keyboard.

"Finn, it is completely a waste of time to bang that pencil against the wood," Jesse snaps finally. "It is merely a distraction from the cold calls you are neglecting to make."

Finn ignores him, just makes a face in Rachel's direction. She raises her palm to her lips, laughing silently.

He grins. She always makes it worth it: the long days, being antagonized by Jesse, the sheer boringness of his job. It just saddens him to think that she doesn't realize how special she truly is.

He smiles back at her, and she gives a slight shake of her head before looking back at her computer screen. She frowns, types, and he feels his heart grow heavy.

* * *

Rachel's already sitting at a table when he heads into the break room, a bag of chips and a turkey sandwich in a paper bag in his fist. She practically beams at him, and he says, his voice easy, "Hey, Rach," as he slides into the seat beside her.

"Hey," she says in reply, poking around her salad. She's a vegetarian, but she doesn't really ever lecture Finn about eating meat, which is what he was sort of under the impressions vegetarians do; of course, he hadn't really met one until Rachel. His stepbrother, Kurt, eats really healthy, but he still eats meat and stuff. He actually thinks Kurt and Rachel would get along really well, not that he'll ever have an excuse to introduce them.

Especially when Brody's around, which seems to be _all the time_ since he's "between jobs" right now. Almost as if he can tell the last thing Finn wants at the current moment is a visit from Brody, Brody himself enters the break room, a wide, leering smile on his face.

"Hey, babe," he says to Rachel, who's looking at him like he hung the moon, and Finn thinks he might be sick. "I was just sitting at home, doing a few Richard Simmons workouts, and I decided I'd surprise you for lunch!"

Finn starts choking on his turkey sandwich when Brody says 'Richard Simmons,' which earns him a swift glare. Not for the first time, he wonders what Rachel could _possibly _see in this guy.

"That's very sweet of you," Rachel says instead, giving Brody's arm an affectionate squeeze (and, yeah, okay, maybe he does have arms the size of logs, but whatever). Finn catches the glint of her engagement ring in the dull, fluorescent light, and thickly, he swallows.

Brody grins, kisses her cheek, and Finn knows that if he stays here he's going to end up throwing up his lunch, so he quickly excuses himself, claiming he really has to make more cold calls today, otherwise he'll be running around town doing them in person.

He doesn't miss Rachel's frown, but he also doesn't miss Brody's shrug, the noncommittal, "Bye, Flynn," and then he's telling Rachel about this fucking cockroach or something in their apartment, and she's listening, and _God_, he just wishes she could see that, above all people, she deserves better.

He angrily slams his paper sack back onto his desk, causing Jesse to raise an eyebrow in his direction. Jesse hardly ever leaves his desk, especially to eat lunch in the break room, because he thinks it is a waste of valuable moments of productivity.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" he deadpans, but Finn just ignores him, angrily biting back into his turkey sandwich.

Twenty minutes later, Brody and Rachel emerge, hand in hand, and Rachel lets him kiss her before he goes. He grabs her ass, and Rachel blushes, and Finn tries really hard not to snap his pencil in two.

This is how things always go, though, how they are doomed to always be, he fears, because he's in love with a girl who has a fiancé.

* * *

Jesse's being an absolute _annoyance_ today, and Finn thinks he really might combust. He keeps rearranging all of his files, insisting that things that are on Finn's desk are crossing over onto his, demanding that Finn try to quiet the sound of his fingers tapping against his keyboard, and honestly, Finn is about to snap.

"I can't do it," he says exasperatedly, leaning against the reception desk. Rachel looks up at him, her eyes sympathetic. "I can't last the rest of the day with him constantly badgering me. I'm going to end up murdering him, and then I'll go to prison, because, let's be honest, I'm not going to have an airtight alibi."

"I'll vouch for you," Rachel promises, eyes twinkling, and he gives her a grateful smile.

"Thanks, but I'd rather it not get to that point if I can help it."

"So, what do you suppose we do instead?"

"Wanna help me pull a prank?"

"A prank."

"Yeah."

"On Jesse?" she clarifies.

He nods.

She looks around, then leans in close. "I'm in."

* * *

Rachel pretends to need Jesse at her desk to go over some paperwork while Finn puts the rest of the plan into action. He gets pencils from everyone else in the office, and Quinn's the only one who refuses, lips set in a frown, but he just ignores her and moves onto Puck, who wholeheartedly hands him about seven. Then, very carefully, meticulously even, he tapes them, sharpened end facing out, to nearly every edge of his desk, almost like a fortress. Rachel is doing her job well, making sure Jesse is only focused on the document in front of him as he looks for the error she insists is there, but actually doesn't exist at all.

Once Finn is satisfied with his handiwork, he gives Rachel a thumbs up, and she promptly snatches the file away from Jesse, claiming she must have made a mistake after all.

Jesse rolls his eyes, says, "Well, really, Rachel, I told you that _ten minutes ago_, but no, you _had_ to insist." He turns back around then, and seeing the pencils sticking out sharply around Finn's desk, narrows his eyes. "What's all this, Hudson?"

Finn widens his eyes, trying to be the picture of innocence. "I'm just protecting my desk."

"Protecting it from _what_?" Jesse snaps.

"Unwanted visitors."

Jesse snorts, sitting down at his desk. He swivels slightly, and one of Finn's pencils pokes him in the side.

"Ouch!" he roars, turning to glare at Finn. "Hudson, this is a menace, and I won't allow it!"

Finn shrugs. "Well, clearly you were in my territory, otherwise the pencil wouldn't have poked you."

"Excuse me?"

"I measured," Finn claims, "and everywhere the pencils touch is my territory."

"You can't prove that!"

Finn shrugs. "Suit yourself, but I'm keeping up the pencils."

Jesse narrows his eyes into impossibly smaller slits. "Will!" he says, his tone belligerent, and he heads into their boss's office.

Finn smirks, and he hears Rachel's laughter, loud and beautiful, as she's practically doubled over her desk. He grins, his heart pounding, and yeah, it feels good, messing with Jesse, but making Rachel laugh, brightening up her day, feels even better.

* * *

This meeting on copy paper is literally the most boring thing Finn has ever had to deal with in his life. Will is giving the presentation with zeal, his eyes lighting up as he talks about copy paper as if it is the eighth wonder of the world, but Finn doesn't buy it.

Copy paper is copy paper, and no amount of brightly colored power point slides with papyrus font on them is going to change his mind.

Rachel yawns beside him, and he glances down at her. She gives him a sheepish smile as she looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes, and his heart pounds in his chest. Even in her animal sweaters and knee high socks, she's still so fucking beautiful.

"Sorry," she mouths, but he shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it."

She smiles, then turns back to Will, acts like she's focusing on his lecture. They both know she isn't.

He's just picked a spot on the wall to stare at instead of Will's over-exuberant face when he feels it: a slight pressure on his shoulder. He frowns, then glances down, and he realizes that Rachel has fallen asleep, her head pressed against him. Her lips are slightly parted, her breathing nice and even and slow, and he has a sudden impulse to brush his lips against her forehead, right underneath her bangs, but he refrains.

She looks so peaceful, and he's definitely not uncomfortable, so he just lets her be.

Twenty minutes later, Will finally decides they've been lectured enough about copy paper for one day, and he dismisses them. Finn's not really sure of what to do, because Rachel literally looks so serene that it might be a crime to wake her, but he also knows how weird it'll be if he simply stays in the conference room with her because she's sleeping. So, gently, he nudges her shoulder.

Nothing.

"Rachel," he says softly, shaking her gently. "Rach, wake up."

Her eyes flutter open, and she blinks blearily up at him. "Hi," she whispers.

He smiles. "Hi."

She lifts her head from his shoulder, looks around in confusion. "Where is everyone?"

"The meeting's over," he tells her. "You fell asleep."

"Oh, no, I'm so sorry," she tells him, "I didn't mean to inconvenience you—"

"It's honestly fine," he says with a smile, reaching over to give her hand a gentle squeeze. He doesn't tell her it felt nice, that he already kind of misses being that close to her, because he knows he shouldn't, that he can't, not now, not ever, because she has a fiancé.

"Oh, well, if you say so…"

"I do."

She smiles. "Thank you, Finn. I should, uh, I should go back to my desk now probably."

He nods. "Yeah, me, too."

Rachel shoots him one last small smile before heading back out into the office, and Finn grins, knowing he'll have to get it out of his system before he goes back out there.

He thinks that, as far as days go, today wasn't that bad of a day at all.

* * *

Rachel and Brody have been engaged for three years, going on four, and Rachel's been planning her wedding in earnest for the entirety of that time, even though she and Brody have yet to set a date. Finn can usually forget that she's engaged at all (because, let's be honest, her fiancé himself seems to frequently), until she starts making plans on the phone when she's at work, like she's doing now.

He tries to concentrate on his computer, but then Rachel giggles, says, "Yes, Daddy, I think that pink roses would be perfect! I don't care if Papa doesn't agree; it's my wedding after all!"

(And yeah, she totally has two dads, but he hasn't met either of them, because they're work friends, and sure, she's like, his best friend, but in the long run, that seems to mean very little outside of the office.)

Anyway, by the time five o'clock _finally_ rolls around, he's feeling quite irritable, and Rachel frowns as he passes her desk, calling out, "Hey, Finn, wait a minute and I'll walk you out."

He shrugs, says, "Nah, that's fine, Rach." He gives her a small smile, and he can see the confused expression in her eyes, but all he says is, "Have a good weekend, I'll see you on Monday," before heading out of the office.

He takes a deep breath once he's outside, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he heads to his car. He gets in and he doesn't head home, but heads to the nearest bar instead, because the only thing he can think of is how he needs to forget about Rachel and forget about her wedding, and the best way he knows how is to drink until he can barely remember his own name.

He's throwing back his third glass when a girl starts hitting on him, and he's too far gone to care about Rachel or about anyone else, but he lets her dance with him anyway, even lets her kiss him, and she shouts that her name is Sugar over the music. He just nods, and everything's blurry, and he tells Sugar he thinks he's going to be sick.

She furrows her brow, but then he literally _does _get sick, and he's pretty sure he just threw up on her shoes, but she doesn't seem to notice, just helps him sit down.

"Sugar?" he yells over the music.

"Yeah?" she shouts back, leaning closer so she can hear him, even though he probably smells like puke and stale booze.

"Thanks," he says. "You didn't have to help me, you know."

She cocks her head, smiles. "Well, what kind of lady would I be otherwise?"

He offers her a grim smile, and he says he's really sorry about her shoes.

"Well," she says instead, "I guess you'll just have to make it up to me. Say… dinner? Tuesday night?"

He thinks of Rachel, but then he thinks of Brody, and he thinks of how Rachel is wearing Brody's ring on her finger, so he swallows and nods, says, "Sure."

Sugar beams, and she takes his phone so she can program in her number, and he wonders if maybe, this could be the ticket to getting over Rachel once and for all.

* * *

Dating Sugar is definitely an experience, to say the least. He finds out very quickly that she comes from a wealthy family, and she's used to nothing but the best. When Finn takes her to Breadstix, his favorite place, she crinkles her nose and asks if they can go somewhere else, and he obliges, saying she can pick, not expecting that she'll pick the most expensive Italian place in town. He wonders if dating Sugar is going to burn a hole in his wallet faster than he can earn money to fill it back up.

Sugar's not a thing like Rachel: she's loud, and she flirts openly with practically everyone she meets, and she wears these tight, skimpy dresses. Finn tells himself it's a good thing, that she's so different from her, but he can't help the moments when he wishes she were more like Rachel. (Actually, he wishes she _were_ Rachel, but that's ridiculous, because Rachel has a fiancé, and no amount of wishing will change that.)

Sugar says she wants to meet his friends, and she wants him to meet her friends as well, but he refrains, tries his best to keep things casual, because, even though she could be exactly what he needs, he's not so sure about this becoming a long term thing.

So he keeps her at arm's length, and he doesn't give her his heart. He's not even really sure he could give a girl like Sugar his heart anyway (especially when he's pretty sure that, despite his best efforts, his heart still belongs to Rachel Berry).

* * *

Will announces that everyone in the office is invited to the bar down the street (the same bar where Finn picked up Sugar, coincidentally) for drinks after work; a happy hour, on him.

Everyone ends up going, even Quinn, who usually doesn't condone such behavior, and even Jesse, most likely in an attempt to impress Will. He always seems to be doing that, and Finn supposes that if he really wants to get ahead in a paper company, well, then more power to him.

Rachel looks somewhat morose, but she does take up Finn's offer to carpool. She's quiet on the short drive over, and Finn wants to ask her what's wrong, but he also doesn't want to overstep his boundaries.

He helps Rachel over to the bar, hand lightly gripping her elbow, and she gives him a tight smile before ordering a scotch on the rocks. He raises his eyebrows, but he doesn't say anything. He wonders if something went down with Brody.

She senses him watching her, and, without looking at him, she answers his unspoken question. "Brody doesn't want to set a date, because it seems too final," she says flatly.

"Oh," he says quietly, because what is he supposed to say? That he would marry her tomorrow if he could?

She plasters a smile on her face, beams like nothing's wrong. "You know what I think, Finn?"

"What?"

"I think I'm gonna need another drink, and soon."

Within a half hour, Rachel goes through five drinks, and since she's so small, she's definitely a little more than tipsy. Finn has to admit that he's a little buzzed as well, but he's not nearly as gone as Rachel; he actually knows what's happening, for one, and he knows his jokes aren't as funny as Rachel seems to think they are in her inebriated state.

She starts laughing at absolutely nothing, actually, giggling uncontrollably, and he raises an eyebrow, asks her what's so funny, but she just laughs and laughs until she falls right off the barstool.

"Shit," Finn curses, quickly leaning down to help her up. Thankfully, he can see she's still laughing. "You okay, Rach?"

She giggles, her hair fanned out against the floor of the bar. His heart does a somersault in his chest, and he tries to help her up. Suddenly, she stops giggling, right when he's leaning down to help her. She has a curious look on her face, and then she's cupping the back of his neck and molding her lips to his.

He sees stars and he thinks he might be falling and _holy shit Rachel is kissing him_. After a few seconds, she pulls away, smiling up at him, and he blinks, but then he smiles back.

"I want more!" she whines as he helps her up, her lower lip jutting out in a pout.

His heart is still pounding against his ribcage, and he wonders if Rachel will even remember this kiss in the morning. He's sure he'll remember it for the rest of his life. "I don't think that's a good idea, Rach. Let's get you home, okay?"

Rachel frowns, but she lets Finn help her to the car, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. He loads her into his car, glad they carpooled because she's in no state to drive. She giggles when he's buckling her in, traces the freckles across the bridge of his nose with her fingertips. He inhales sharply, because she doesn't know what she's doing to him, what she always seems to do to him.

She falls asleep on the drive home, her cheek pressed adorably against the glass, and Finn doesn't have the heart to wake her. Just for this moment, he can pretend like he isn't driving her home to someone else.

She kissed him, and even in her inebriated state, that _has _to mean something.

* * *

It doesn't mean anything. Rachel makes that abundantly clear the next morning, when she acts like nothing happened between them. She doesn't mention anything about the previous evening, and Finn doesn't know if she remembers and doesn't want to talk about it, or if she generally has no recollection of the previous night's events.

Either way, she just smiles at him when he walks into the office the next morning, just like she does every morning, and there's not sign that anything is up. If she does remember, she's made it perfectly clear where she stands, and if she doesn't, well… the ring on her finger kind of does that job for her.

To distract himself from not only the confusion concerning Rachel but also the utter boredom he's experiencing in the office, Finn decides to organize an office Olympics. Will is out of town for the day at a supposedly very important conference (but honestly, how important can anything to do with paper really be?), and Finn has been left in charge of the office, much to Jesse's annoyance.

"I'm clearly the supreme authority here," Jesse says as Finn is setting up stacks of copy paper for one of the upcoming events, "and I demand that you stop this _at once_."

"Well, actually, you're clearly _not_ the authority on _anything_, so I'm gonna go ahead and do this thing that I am currently doing." Finn doesn't even look up from the stacks of copy paper.

Jesse's curiosity seems to get the better of him. "And what, exactly, is that?"

"Paper Tumble," Finn answers.

"Paper Tumble," Jesse repeats flatly. "That's not a real thing."

"Sure it is," Rachel says as she passes another package of copy paper to Finn. "Haven't you played before?"

Jesse narrows his eyes. "No, because it doesn't _exist_."

Rachel just shrugs. "That's too bad. I bet you're an excellent Paper Tumbler."

Jesse just sniffs, turns back to his computer, but Finn can see him watching them out of the corner of his eye. He shares a smirk with Rachel, and she smiles back. His heart rate speeds up, like it's prone to do, but he simply looks away, trying to remind himself that she's getting married to Brody, that she doesn't even know that she kissed him, and that he kissed her back.

They finish up with the stacks of paper, and Finn herds the other employees of the office over, asking who wants to go first. Santana volunteers, cracking her knuckles before she takes the rubber band ball from Finn's outstretched hand. She aims, then fires at the stacks of paper, successfully knocking most of them over.

Puck snorts and says he can do better than that, before picking up the ball and waiting for the paper towers to be restacked.

By the end, even Jesse participates in a few events, and Finn gives him a silver medal. His face grows sour, and he demands to know why he wasn't rewarded a gold, but Finn just shrugs and says that Quinn out-performed him today. Surprisingly, he doesn't protest after that, and he even gives Quinn a small smile, which is weird, because Jesse doesn't really _smile _at anyone, and Quinn definitely usually isn't one to smile back.

Finn considers the office Olympics to be a success, and he thinks that the people he works with aren't so bad, even Jesse, sometimes. Maybe sometimes his job could even be fun.

* * *

Ryder, the new temp, ends up accidentally setting the break room on fire trying to make some sort of pita bread shit – because he's been ranting and raving about how eating healthy is the only way to go – so the entire office building has to be evacuated. Will refuses to let them go home, though, saying they can use this time to do some team building instead.

So they're all standing in a circle in the middle of the parking lot, waiting for the fire trucks to pull up, and it's a little chilly, being the middle of October, but none of this seems to deter Will.

"Well, gang," he says, chipper and upbeat as always, "what sort of fun, team building game should we play?"

There is a collective groan around the circle, but Finn licks his lips, says, "What about the desert island movie game?"

"Ah," Will says, "I am afraid I don't know that one."

"It's really easy to understand," Finn assures him. "You just say the three movies you'd take with you if you were trapped on a desert island, the three movies you'd have to watch for the rest of your life. Here, I'll go first."

"What would you watch the movies on?" Jesse interjects.

"Let's just say there's a DVD player there," Finn says, tone impatient.

"How would you see the film?"

"There's also a television."

"What if I brought VHS tapes?"

"Look, it doesn't matter," Finn says finally, exasperated. "Just – you have the means to watch them, but you can only take three, okay?"

Jesse just purses his lips. Finn swears he sees Rachel trying to stifle a giggle.

"_Anyway_," he says, "my three would probably be _Braveheart_, _Saving Private Ryan_, and _The Avengers_. Okay, so who wants to go next?"

"I will!" a voice says behind him, and Finn kind of stiffens as he turns around, because sure enough, it's Sugar. What the fuck is she doing here?

"I figured we could do some light shopping after you got off work, and I figured I'd surprise you and come a bit early!" she says, excitement in her voice as she claps her hands together. "Why are we all standing outside and what game are we playing?"

"Finn, who is this?" Jesse asks, raising an eyebrow.

Finn doesn't look at him but looks at Rachel instead, who has an unreadable expression on her face. "This is Sugar," he says finally. "She's my…uh…"

"I'm his girlfriend," Sugar supplies, giving the group a saccharine smile. "Now, why is everyone out here? Can't you afford to work indoors?"

Jesse gives her a sarcastic smile, then gestures to Ryder with his thumb. "This idiot set the kitchen on fire, so we can't enter the building."

Sugar looks confused. "Then why doesn't everyone go home?"

"We're still on company time here, and we can be productive!" Will jumps in, the excited note in his voice practically forced now. "We're doing some team building, and Finn was nice enough to teach us all a game."

"Ooh, I love games!" Sugar squeals, clapping as she jumps up and down. Finn kind of wants to die of embarrassment. "What are we playing?"

Everyone turns to look at Finn expectantly, and he clears his throat. "Well, uh, basically, you're stuck on a desert island, and you can only bring three movies with you, and, you know, these could very well be the only movies you see for the rest of the life, so they have to be your three favorites _of all time_."

Sugar blinks at him.

"So, uh, what would yours be?"

"I'd call my daddy and demand that he send a jet to pick me up," Sugar says instead.

Everyone laughs, and Finn thinks he could very well melt into the concrete they're standing on. "No, that's not – that's not the point of the game. It's just like – okay, forget the desert island thing – the three movies you would have to watch for the rest of your life."

Sugar smiles. "Well, that's easy. I'd pick _Legally Blonde_, _The House Bunny_, and _The Notebook_."

Okay, yeah, Finn's actually gonna die. Almost everyone's laughing again, and he really doesn't blame them, because this is _three movies you have to watch for the rest of your life_, not _three movies you semi-enjoyed when you saw them in the movie theater_.

"What's so funny?" Sugar asks, glancing around, but Finn just sighs.

"Nothing," he says, "someone else please go, for the love of God."

Thankfully, Rachel says she can go, and she says that she would choose _Funny Girl_, _Stardust_, and _Casablanca_.

"Nice one," Finn says, shooting her a smile. Rachel smiles back.

"What was wrong with my movie choices?" Sugar asks indignantly, but Finn just ignores her as Quinn says that maybe she'll give this game a try.

Forty minutes later, the fire department tells them they can all go home, despite the protests of Will, who says they're all having _so much fun_, and Finn reluctantly heads to Sugar's car with her. He doesn't really want to go shopping with her, but he doesn't know how to get out of it. He's stuffing his hands in his pockets, opening his mouth to tell her that maybe they should take a rain check on the whole shopping thing, when Brody pulls up, and Rachel's face lights up as she climbs in the car with him, greeting him with a kiss.

Finn's stomach turns over, and he thinks he might be sick, but Sugar's saying, "Well, come on, before all the stores close," and he climbs into the car with her, because if nothing else, she at least provides an ample distraction from the gut-wrenching pain in his chest.

* * *

Finn's roommate, Sam, who's been his best friend since their freshman year of college, is convinced that Jesse doesn't actually exist, or that Finn is exaggerating his ridiculous behavior, so in order to prove him wrong, Finn decides to throw an office party. He invites everyone from the office, including Will, and he tells them they can bring whomever they'd like.

(He almost regrets that because Rachel's probably going to bring Brody, but he tries not to let that bother him.)

Sugar pouts when she finds about the event, asking why he didn't invite her, and he tells her that it's just for people who work in the office.

"Sam's going to be there," she points out.

"He lives there," Finn replies.

"Well," Sugar says slowly, her fingers snaking their way up his arm, "_I _could live there, too, you know."

Finn promptly chokes on his water, and thankfully that's enough to distract Sugar from the idea of them living together.

Jesse is the first one to arrive, immediately spouting off everything that he found to be unsatisfactory about Finn's directions, and Finn just raises an eyebrow, glancing over at Sam to see the look of pure disbelief on his face.

"Jesse St. James, this is Sam Evans, my roommate." He gestures between the two of them, and they shake hands.

"I've heard so much about you," Sam says.

Jesse's eyes narrow. "I can't say the same for you. In fact, I was beginning to think you didn't exist."

Finn has to choke back a laugh, and then the doorbell rings again, and he goes to let Will, Puck, and Santana in.

A half hour later, almost everyone has arrived, everyone except for Rachel. He wonders what could be holding her up; he wonders if she'll even come at all.

At that moment, the doorbell rings again, and Finn's heart pounds in his chest. It has to be her; she's the only one not here. He just really hopes that Brody isn't with her.

He opens the door, and by some miracle, she's there alone, an apologetic smile on her face. "Hi," she says, "sorry I'm late!"

"It's fine," he tells her, stepping aside so she can come inside.

She pushes a bottle of wine into his hands.

"For me?" he asks, sending her a crooked smile.

She smiles, bites her lip. "Yes, well, you did invite a bunch of crazy coworkers into your apartment, so I figured you might need it later."

"Good call, Berry," he says seriously. He clears his throat, then says (because he has to know), "Brody couldn't make it tonight?"

Rachel shakes her head. "He and his friends are having a poker tournament tonight, so it's just me."

Finn can't help the relief that spreads throughout his entire body.

"So," Rachel says, "are you gonna give me a tour?"

"Oh, right, yeah, sure," Finn says quickly. "Let's start with the kitchen, so I can put this wine away."

She giggles, but she follows him.

The house isn't very large, so it's only a few rooms later that they end up in his room, Rachel perched on the edge of his bed, thumbing through his high school yearbook she found.

"So, you were Mr. Quarterback," she says with a grin, her eyes sparkling as she looks up at him.

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, but we sucked, so…"

Rachel just laughs. "Well, you looked cute."

Finn feels his stomach somersault, and it's stupid, because her thinking that seventeen year old him is cute does not mean that she thinks twenty-six year old him is cute, but he can't help but feel strangely elated anyway. "Thanks, I guess," he says finally, sitting on the bed beside her.

Rachel closes the book, turning to face him. "So, how are things with Sugar?"

His stomach drops. Sugar is literally the last person he wants to talk about, except for maybe Brody.

"Fine," he says with a noncommittal shrug. "I mean, it's not really, like, serious or – or anything—"

"It's okay, Finn," Rachel says, laying a hand lightly on his thigh. He can feel his skin growing hot underneath his jeans. "You'll find the girl for you, the one you can spend the rest of your life with someday."

He looks at her, at her big brown eyes, and he really wants to tell her that he thinks he's found that girl, and that it's her, but before he can decide either way, she adds, "Just like I have with Brody."

His heart shatters into a million pieces, and he thinks the pain might reflect in his eyes, because she bites her lip and looks down, pats his thigh awkwardly. "I'm gonna, uh… I'm gonna go back out with the rest of the party now," she whispers, and then she leaves, closing the door softly behind her.

Finn just stares at the wood, wondering how, in any universe, this is fair, how he's utterly alone while a douchebag gets the girl of his dreams, and how she doesn't realize just how much better she deserves.

* * *

Things aren't awkward between them for long, probably because Finn can't bring himself to stay away from Rachel for any longer than a day, and Rachel quickly tells him that she has a theory that Jesse and Quinn are secretly dating.

He raises an eyebrow when she whispers it to him at the reception desk, glances over at Jesse, then across the office at Quinn, then back at Rachel. "Jesse and _Quinn_?"

"Shh," she scolds him, but she giggles. "Don't be so loud!"

Finn just shakes his head. "You're crazy, Berry."

"No, they are, I'm telling you!" she insists, and he can't even protest because she looks so adorable, brown eyes wide and earnest.

"Mmhmm, suuuure," he says with a small smirk.

"Don't placate me, Finn Hudson!" she says, her voice shrill. A few heads turn her way, and her eyes widen as she slaps a hand over her mouth.

"Who's being too loud now?" he teases.

She just glares at him, turning back to her computer screen, and he laughs, knowing she won't stay mad at him for long.

Not too long after Finn returns to his desk, Will comes out of his office and announces that, this year, they'll be doing a secret Santa in the office. They will draw names, and then get a gift for the person they chose.

"This is utterly ridiculous," Jesse mutters as Rachel comes around with the hat full of names. He groans when he sees who is written on his slip of paper. "What the hell am I supposed to get for _Brittany_?"

"Shh," Rachel shushes him halfheartedly, even though Brittany is back in the annex and couldn't hear his groan of disapproval. She winks at Finn as he reaches into the hat next.

Gently, he unfolds the piece of paper, reads the name, then smiles.

"Good?" Rachel asks him.

Finn nods, tries to wipe the smile off his face. "Yeah, I think I'll be fine."

She gives him another smile, and then she moves onto the next person.

Carefully, he unfolds the piece of paper again, reads it a second time, then a third, just to be sure that he really, truly is Rachel Berry's secret Santa this Christmas.

* * *

He gets her the perfect present, and he just knows she'll love it. It's kind of everything that has accumulated over the years between them, all the inside jokes they've had and the nice conversations. He's gotten her a Barbra Streisand Greatest Hits CD, a roll of nickels from the time he put them, one by one, into Jesse's phone, then took them all out so that, being used to the heavier weight, he smacked himself the face the next time he tried to answer it, a copy of _Casablanca_, and a king size Reese's Cup (her favorite). He decides to stick all this in a tea pot he found at a thrift shop down the road, and he knows she'll love that, too, because it's vintage and rich with history, but also because Rachel's kind of insanely obsessed with tea. It's her drink of choice, especially as a singer, because she claims it preserves her voice, even if she doesn't do much singing nowadays. He's hoping that maybe the teapot will help her remember her dreams and that she doesn't need to put them on hold.

He also slides in a handwritten letter, one that he deliberated on the wording of for hours, and he thinks that this one slip of paper holds more meaning that the rest of the gift put together, because it contains the way he feels about Rachel. He knows it's a risky move, but he also thinks that maybe Rachel has the right to know, and, even though it's stupid, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, she might feel the same way as well. (He's trying not to get his hopes up for that, though, because she's not only with someone else; she's _engaged_ to someone else, and he's accepted that, but he can't seem to let it shake the way he feels about her.)

They have their office Christmas party three days before Christmas. Will ends up getting Ryder an extremely expensive iPod, pissing everyone else off because it clearly exceeds the twenty dollar limit _he _put in place, and, somehow, in the resulting argument that's going on in the conference room, Finn manages to grab Rachel by the elbow and slowly drag her away.

"What is it?" she asks once he gingerly shuts the door behind them. The office is eerily empty, quiet except for the muffled yells that are coming from behind the door. "I was kind of enjoying the show," she teases.

Wordlessly, he walks over to his desk, reaching underneath and lifting out the teapot.

Rachel's eyes light up. "Is this…?"

He smiles. "Merry Christmas, Rachel, from your secret Santa."

Rachel claps her hands excitedly, lets out a little squeal. "Oh, Finn," she breathes, taking the teapot from him and heading over to the reception area, "this is absolutely _perfect_." She sets it down on the counter, her fingers lightly gripping his letter, and his heart pounds in his chest, knowing that everything could be out in the open in a matter of seconds.

Rachel sets the letter aside, lets out a little gasp as she pulls out the candy, and suddenly, Finn's aware of just how selfish he'll be if he lets her read it. The letter isn't about her, it's about him, and he really can't let this possible ruin her Christmas.

He walks toward her, leaning against the counter as well. She's smiling, scanning the back of the copy of _Casablanca_, and, slowly, he slides the letter off of the counter and into his pocket.

"Finn, this is _incredible_!" Rachel breathes. "I love it, so much, and I can't believe you went through all this."

"It really wasn't any trouble," Finn says, but Rachel practically tackles him anyway, her arms winding around his neck, her head tucked beneath his chin. He hugs her back, breathes her in, and he thinks that this is a good enough Christmas present.

Rachel's still smiling as she pulls away, and she glances at the counter in confusion. "Wasn't there a card?"

His heart pounds against his ribcage. "Um, no, no card."

She frowns. "I swore I took one out…"

"Maybe that was the candy."

Rachel shrugs, but she doesn't look entirely convinced. "Maybe…"

The conference room door swings open, then, the sounds of voices spilling out into the office.

"_There_ you are," Brittany says happily, coming toward Finn with a large stuffed unicorn. "Merry Christmas, Finn!"

"Er, thanks," he says awkwardly, reluctantly taking the giant rainbow unicorn from Brittany. "It's – it's really awesome."

Brittany beams at him, starts telling him about all the lengths she went through to find it.

Finn catches Rachel's eye, her hand covering her mouth as she struggles not to laugh, and he thinks that, sucky present and all, this is still a pretty great Christmas.

* * *

Will decides they need to have a company retreat, so he rents a boat (more like a whole _cruise ship_), tells the employees they can bring whomever they'd like, and adds that the retreat is mandatory. Even though he hasn't seen her for a few weeks, Finn decides he'll take Sugar.

Sugar takes this to mean that they are taking their relationship in a more serious direction.

Finn doesn't have the heart to tell her that's not the case at all.

Rachel brings Brody, which doesn't really surprise Finn, but it puts him off all the same. Brody pats him on the back, rather hard, when he sees him, says, "How's it goin', Flynn?"

"It's Finn, actually," Finn says, rubbing his shoulder, and Sugar nudges him in the ribs. "Oh, right, this is Sugar. Sugar, you've met Rachel, and this is Brody, her fiancé." He practically grinds the word out; it tastes sour in his mouth.

"It's a pleasure," Brody says, and he's practically leering at Sugar. If Finn cared more about her, he'd probably be uncomfortable, but a sick, twisted part of him would rather him hit on Sugar than on Rachel, even though he knows he shouldn't feel that way, that he doesn't have the _right _to feel that way.

Sugar giggles, and then she's tugging on Finn's arm, dragging him to the edge of the boat. Rachel says that they should meet up later for dinner, and he nods because he's already too far away to respond verbally. Sugar finally lets go of him once they get to the railing. It's January and it's pretty much fucking freezing, and Finn wonders why Will thought a _cruise_ would be a brilliant idea. He can see puffs of his breath in the night air; he rubs his palms together in an attempt to get warm.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Sugar asks him, sighing wistfully.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, can we go inside?"

He ignores the reproachful look Sugar gives him as he stuffs his hands into his pockets, and he doesn't acknowledge her as she loops her arm through his. He's too busy thinking about Rachel and Brody and the giant hole that's expanding in his chest.

* * *

Everyone's packed into the dining hall, and Will is at the microphone, trying his best to talk to them about office safety or something. Finn's not really paying attention. No one is. He's sharing a booth with Sugar and Rachel and Brody, and Brody and Sugar are talking about how their high schools were rivals or something; Finn's not entirely sure, because the only thing he can seem to focus on is Brody's hand on Rachel's thigh.

Brody and Sugar's conversation seems to have come to an end, an awkward silence falling over the table. Rachel gives Finn a small smile, and he gives her one back, but it quickly fades when Brody presses his lips against the top of Rachel's head. He pointedly looks away, up at Will, who is still rambling on at the front of the room.

"So, when are you getting married?" Sugar asks.

Finn's heart sinks down to his knees.

"Oh, we haven't really talked about it…" Rachel looks down at the table, and Finn wants to punch Brody for leading her on for so long, for saying he's going to marry her but doing nothing about it.

"Actually, I've been thinking," Brody starts, and Finn stares at him in disbelief, wondering if he can somehow read his mind, "and what do you think about a June wedding, Rach?"

Rachel's eyes light up. "You mean it?"

Brody nods, and then Rachel's kissing him, and Finn can't watch this and he feels like his heart is going to explode because it _hurts so much_. He excuses himself and gets up, heading outside, Sugar close behind him.

"What was that?" she demands, hands on her hips. "Aren't you happy for her? She's your friend, isn't she?"

"Go away, Sugar," Finn groans, hands gripping the cold railing. He wishes he hadn't forgotten his coat inside. "You don't understand."

Sugar sighs wistfully, leaning against him. "Do you think that will be us one day? Getting married?"

Finn looks at her blankly. "No," he says flatly.

"What?!"

"Actually, I think we should break up."

"Are you _kidding me_?"

"I'm sorry," he says, but it sound insincere even to his own ears.

"I can't believe this," Sugar says, "and I can't believe _you_. You're going to end up all _alone_, Finn Hudson."

And, on that note, she leaves.

Finn stands there in silence, the clouds of his breath little puffs in the night air; he's numb, and not just from the cold. He sighs again, his elbows pressed against the cold metal railing.

He doesn't know how long he's been standing there, but eventually, Will comes out, rubbing two gloved hands together.

"Finn?" he asks once he notices him. "What are you doing out here? They've started dancing inside. It's a real party going."

Finn sighs, and he doesn't know why, but he says, "Brody and Rachel set the date." No one knows about his feelings for Rachel, not even Sam, so he's not sure why he's telling Will about them now. "I couldn't handle it."

Will just nods, looking out at the water. "So you think that means that you should just give up? Move on?"

"I should've done that a long time ago," Finn mutters.

Will looks at him, and there's something in his gaze that makes Finn stare back at him. "Never," Will says, "never _ever_ give up. Do you think that she could be the girl for you?"

Wordlessly, Finn nods.

"Then don't give up on her just yet."

Will claps him on the shoulder as he leaves, and then Finn's alone again. He looks out at the water, watches the waves hit the side of the boat, and he thinks about what Will just said. _Never ever give up_.

But how can he justify not giving up when the girl he loves is getting married to someone else in five months?

* * *

The invitation comes in the mail the third week of February. The font is a flowery script, and it's on flimsy cardboard, and Finn honestly wants to burn it the second he sees it. That might be a little too dramatic, however, but instead of doing the opposite and hanging it on the fridge, he just deposits it in the trashcan.

Sam looks curiously at him from where he's washing dishes in the sink, but he doesn't say anything. Finn just gives him a small smile.

He thinks he might need to book a trip out of here for the entire month of June, because he doesn't think he can be anywhere in Lima on her wedding day.

* * *

He doesn't know how to act around Rachel anymore, because being around her is just a reminder that she's getting married to someone else in a matter of months, regardless of the feelings he has for her. It doesn't help that she seems to be making more and more planning decisions at the office now that she has an official date, and sometimes she'll be on the phone for what seems like hours, with either her dads or Marley, who is her maid of honor, and Finn honestly doesn't think he can take much more, because the idea that she's getting married to another man just becomes more and more real the longer she talks.

If he listens anymore, he thinks he might throw up, so he does the only thing he can think of to do: He files a complaint with Blaine, who is in charge of HR.

"Use of company time to plan for a personal wedding?" Blaine confirms, looking at Finn expectantly, pen hovering over the paper.

Finn hesitates, then reminds himself that the chance of Rachel seeing this is very slim, then nods. "Yes, that is correct."

Blaine sighs, but he files the complaint anyway.

And, somehow, a week later, Rachel finds out.

"I don't understand who hates me enough to complain that I'm spending so much time planning my _wedding_, a _joyous occasion_." She sighs exasperatedly, then snaps her fingers together. "Quinn, I bet it was Quinn! She's jealous that she and Jesse have to keep their romance a secret because their coworkers, so she's taking it out on me—"

"It was me," he says finally, because he honestly can't listen to her rant anymore without feeling completely and utterly guilty.

"Wh-What?"

"It was me," he repeats, softer this time, trying to convey how sorry he is with his eyes. "I filed the complaint."

She stares at him for a moment, stunned, lower lip quivering.

"Rachel—" he starts, but before he can say anything else, she's gone, the door swinging shut behind her.

She doesn't talk to him for the rest of the day, and he wonders if she knows that he's hurting more than she ever could be.

* * *

Things are still strained between them a week later when Will puts together this Casino Night to raise money for some charity or other, and to potentially get more business for them in the long run. Finn smiles at Rachel from across the warehouse, where they're both helping to hang up streamers, and she gives him a hesitant smile back.

His heart pounds in his chest, and he really does miss his best friend, but he's also torn, because he doesn't know if he can watch her with Brody anymore. It hurts too fucking much.

He changes at work, because all he adds to his usual shirt and tie is a dinner jacket, but Rachel heads home for a few hours, and when she comes back, his jaw practically hits the floor. She's changed into this shiny blue dress that stops at her knee, her hair is in this elegant bun at the nape of her neck, and she's outlined her eyes with this smoky eye shadow. He's honestly not sure he can go the whole night without kissing her senseless, not when she's biting her lip like she is now.

"Wow, Rach, you look…"

She blushes. "Oh, stop, I just found this in the back of my closet. Brody actually didn't think I should wear it, I've had it for so long."

"Brody is crazy," he tells her, his voice cracking, and she just gives him a funny look before Quinn comes over and compliments her dress.

Finn knows he should probably get down to the actual event, so he takes the opportunity to leave, not noticing the look Rachel gives him on his way out the door.

* * *

An hour later, Finn's at the poker table, Rachel across from him, giggling as she sips her fruity drink she got from the open bar. Finn has to admit that Will really has outdone himself, and so far, the night is actually pretty fun.

Rachel looks at the hand of cards she's been dealt, her tongue sticking adorably out of her mouth, and Finn can't help but chuckle.

"What?" she asks, looking at him inquisitively, eyes narrowed.

"Nothing," he says quickly, feigning nonchalance.

"What?" she asks again.

"Got a good hand there, Berry?"

She laughs, tossing her head back, mouth open wide. His heart skips a few beats in his chest.

"You have a terrible poker face," he tells her.

"Do I?" she asks, and, with a grin, lays down a full house.

Finn lets out a low whistle. "Well, I can't compete with that. I fold."

Rachel beams at him, raking in her winnings, and her smile is so blinding, makes his heart pound so loudly, that he wonders how she can possibly not know how desperately in love with her he is. It's all he can feel and she's all he can see.

Her phone vibrates then, the whole table shaking with the force of it, and she sighs when she sees the name. "If you'll excuse me," she says, smiling apologetically before she gets up from the table. He sees her answer and sees her frown, and then she walks out the side door into the parking lot.

He sits there for a moment, sits and thinks about how the girl he loves is always just out of reach, and suddenly, he knows that it's now or never, that if he doesn't do anything now, he never will, and he doesn't know if he'll be able to live with himself.

So he gets up, and he follows her.

She's standing just outside the door when he gets outside, staring at her phone, and she doesn't see him.

"Rach?" he calls softly.

She jumps, then turns, gives him a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Finn," she says, her voice falsely cheerful, "hi!"

"Rachel, what's wrong?" he asks her gently, taking a few steps toward her.

She sighs. "It's – it's nothing."

He just gives her a look.

She sighs again. "Brody wants me to come home."

He fights the urge to roll his eyes. "Do _you _want to go home?"

She hesitates, then bites her lip. "No," she whispers.

"Then stay," he says, taking another step toward her. He reaches out and takes her impossibly tiny hand in his own.

She glances down at their hands, then back up at him, her brow furrowed. "Finn, I don't…"

"Stay, with me," he says, and he can't keep the emotion out of his voice.

She squeezes his hand, takes in a deep breath, then says, "Finn, you mean so, so much to me, you're my best friend, and I honestly—"

"Don't," he says, because he knows where this is going, "don't do that. I wanna be _more_ than that."

"Finn," she whispers, "I – I'm so sorry."

He can feel the tears welling in his eyes, and he knows it's stupid, that _he's _stupid for thinking this would mean anything, but he just lets go of her hands and steps away. "No, it's – it's fine," he forces himself to say. He wipes at his cheeks, making sure that any stray moisture is gone.

"_Finn_, you – you have to know… I'm getting _married_—"

"And I'm hopelessly in love with you," he says before he can stop himself.

Rachel's eyes grow wide, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "I – I don't…"

"I know," he says quickly, "you're marrying Brody." The name on his tongue makes him want to throw up, but he presses on. "And I know that nothing is going to change that. I just – I guess I just needed you to know… once."

He turns then, walks away, wipes at his cheeks one more time. He pauses to take a deep breath before he walks back in, and he can hear Rachel crying behind him, but he can't look back, can't look at her all sad and broken, because he's already broken enough for one night.

* * *

He goes back to the poker table for a while, but he just feels so empty and he doesn't know what to do, so he decides he should go home. He goes back up to the office to collect his things, but before he goes in, he hears a voice, _Rachel's_ voice, and he can't help but stop and listen.

"I don't know, Daddy, he's my very best friend…"

Finn's heart pounds against his ribcage, because he's fairly certain she's talking about _him_.

"I don't know… I mean, maybe I do have feelings for him, but I never…"

His mouth is dry, and he's having trouble breathing, because Rachel might have feelings for him, and honestly, this is better than he ever could have hoped for.

He hears a sigh, but she's speaking too low for him to make out anything. Then there's footsteps, and she's turning the corner and coming toward him, but before he can decide whether he should stay or go, she's standing right in front of him. She lets out this little gasp, says, "Finn, what are you—" but before she can finish, he steps forward, his hands settling on her waist. He gauges her reaction for a split second, and her brown eyes are wide, but she doesn't look scared. Then he presses his lips against hers.

It's not the like the first kiss they shared, when she was drunk and he was trying to believe it was real. It's slow and tender, and her fingers are curling into his shirt. He keeps his eyes shut and kisses her for as long as possible, because he's afraid of what will happen when he pulls away.

Eventually, she pulls away, but he keeps his forehead against hers. She looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes, her breathing somewhat labored, her fingers still curled into his shirt. Her eyes are bright, and he feels like he could look into them forever.

"Rachel," he breathes, cupping her cheek with his hand, and he goes in to kiss her again.

Before he can, however, she whispers, "Finn, I'm marrying Brody."

He pauses, pulls back. "Still?" he whispers.

She nods. "I'm so sorry."

He sighs, drops his hand, backs away. He doesn't feel sad anymore; he just feels empty. He doesn't know which is worse.

"It's okay, Rach, really," he says, walking over to grab his briefcase from by his desk. "I…" He takes a deep breath in, then finishes. "I really hope the two of you are happy."

She bites her lip, looks like she wants to reach out to him, but she doesn't, and he leaves her standing alone in the office, her blue dress glimmering in the moonlight streaming in from the window.

* * *

The next morning, knowing he can't stay in Lima any longer, Finn applies for a transfer, to the McKinley branch in Columbus. Within a few days, he gets the confirmation that his transfer has been accepted, so he tells Will he's leaving, and he really doesn't tell anyone else.

So he leaves. He moves to a whole different town, a whole different apartment, and he tries his best to move on and forget about Rachel Berry.

* * *

Somehow Finn's first day is even more boring than any day he ever had at the Lima branch. He tries to not think about how it's the fact that the receptionist here is a fifty-seven year old woman instead of a twenty-five year old brunette with big brown eyes, but he knows it's probably the case.

The girl who sits behind him, Tina, a girl about his own age who is of Asian descent and on the quiet side, doesn't seem too bad, but she's also not Rachel. That seems to be the problem with everything here: they remind him of Rachel even though they have nothing to do with her.

He doesn't know how to forget her, and he's hoping time is the answer. He hopes that Columbus is maybe exactly where he's supposed to be instead.

On his second day, Tina sighs behind him, her fingers drumming against her desk. He feels something hit the back of his neck, and his hand flies up, feels the skin, but nothing seems out of the ordinary. He brushes it off, tries to go back to his work.

It happens again, and this time, he whirls around to see Tina grinning at him.

"You seem a little serious," she teases. "Just trying to loosen you up a bit."

Finn smiles despite himself. "Well, thanks, I guess. Just, you know, second day blues I suppose."

Tina laughs. "More like _everyday _blues when you're working for a paper company."

Finn laughs along with her, then turns back to his work, but a tingling sensation shoots down his spine. Maybe working here won't be so bad after all, and maybe it really _will_ be just what he needs to move on with his life, in more ways than one.

* * *

Tina's kind of really awesome. She always has some sort of game to play to help pass the time, and she splits her barbeque chips with Finn if she buys any from the vending machine, and she hates working at a paper plant just as much as he does.

Finn thinks he kind of likes her, and he thinks she kind of likes him back, which is definitely a new (but not unwelcome) feeling. So he asks her to dinner, and she says yes, and he kisses her at the end of the date, and she kisses him back.

There are no fiancés and no feelings of guilt, and he thinks it's kind of nice. _Tina_ is nice. And maybe nice is what he needs.

* * *

Finn's only been there for about two months when the Columbus branch gets the news that it will be shutting down, and anyone who wants to will be able to transfer to the Lima branch.

"Hey, isn't Lima where you're from?" Tina asks, giving Finn a little nudge as they eat lunch together.

Finn just nods as he chews his turkey sandwich.

"Are you going to transfer back?"

He sighs. He doesn't really know what _else_ he would do; besides the fact that he guesses he's dating Tina, he doesn't really have much here in Columbus. "I guess so." He glances over at her to see that she's biting her lip. "What about you?"

Tina shrugs, pushes her pasta around her bowl. "I mean, my entire life is here…"

Finn nods. He doesn't really know if he expected a different answer.

"I mean, unless…"

He furrows his brow. "Unless what?"

"I would be willing to move to Lima if I knew there was something there for me," Tina says quietly. "Something… worth holding onto."

Finn swallows. "Something like… me and you?"

She smiles. "Yes, something like that. So… is there?"

Finn knows this is too much too soon, because yeah, he likes Tina, but it's probably too soon to tell just _how _much, but she's looking at him with wide eyes and he can't say _no_. "Yeah," he says instead, "I think there is."

Tina squeals and claps her hands before launching herself at him, her arms looping around his neck. He hugs her back, breathes her in, but he can't help but think of Rachel's berry shampoo. He knows it's wrong, though, knows he's just committed to Tina, and she deserves better. She does. And he's going to be that for her.

Rachel's married by now anyway.

* * *

The first day back at Lima kind of makes Finn wonder if he really left at all. Will's still more exuberant than ever, Jesse is still obnoxious, Quinn is still uptight, and Rachel is still… well, Rachel. Except minus the engagement ring, because apparently she didn't marry Brody after all.

At least, that's the first thing Will tells him when he calls Finn into his office.

"Cancelled it about a week after you left," he says, looking at Finn knowingly, "if that means anything to you."

Finn just shrugs, swallows. "If it really meant anything she would've called or – or attempted to contact me in some way. We haven't spoken since I left. And – and I'm with Tina now anyways, so…"

"Tina?" Will raises his eyebrows. "Interesting."

"What?" Finn asks.

"Nothing, nothing," Will insists. He pauses, then adds, "Welcome back, Finn."

Finn grins. "It's good to be back."

They shake hands, and then Finn leaves. He catches Rachel's eye on his way out of Will's office, and she gives him a small smile. He smiles back, then goes to sit next at his desk next to Tina.

Tina reaches over and squeezes his hand, and he feels a little better.

He doesn't see the way the smile falls from Rachel's face.

* * *

Rachel kind of seems to be avoiding him, and he really does miss her friendship. It's weird, that they're back to working in the same office yet they're barely speaking. They were best friends once, and he really wishes they could go back to that again.

At first, Finn thinks it's just him, that he's imagining things, but when he smiles at Rachel when he and Tina come in one morning and her nails dig into his forearm and Rachel averts her gaze, he thinks it's probably all real after all.

"What was that about?" he hisses to Tina once they sit down.

Tina shrugs, purses her lips. "Do you really not know?" she asks finally.

Finn furrows his brow. "Know what?"

Tina rolls her eyes. "I see the way she looks at you sometimes," she says, lowering her voice. She pauses, then asks, "Did anything ever happen between you?"

Finn swallows. He knows this question is loaded. "Um, not expressly, no."

Tina narrows her eyes. "What does that even mean?"

Finn sighs. "Look, I – I had a thing for Rachel, once, but she – she made it clear that she didn't feel the same way, and I moved."

"Oh," Tina says, looking down at her desk.

"And then I met _you_, and I'm really happy that I did," he adds hastily, covering her hand with his own.

Tina gives him a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "So… you and Rachel, huh?"

"Tina, it's not like that," he insists, but she gets up from her desk, her chair skidding backwards.

"I just… I need a moment, alright?"

Finn nods, giving her a tight smile, and he watches her disappear into the break room. Once she disappears from sight, he sighs, placing his hands behind his head. He catches Rachel's eye, but she quickly looks away, pretending to be absorbed in whatever she's typing, but he knows her better than that.

Cautiously, he stands up, approaches the reception desk.

"Hey, Rach," he tries.

"Hello," she says carefully without looking up. "Welcome back, Finn."

"Thanks," he says, and the word sounds somewhat hollow, even to his own ears. Why won't she look at him? "Is… everything okay, with you?" He wants to say 'with us,' but there's never been an 'us' and now he's pretty sure there never will be. His stomach clenches at the thought, even though it shouldn't affect him this way.

"Perfectly fine," she says, and she _finally_ looks at him, gives him a smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Great," he says slowly, drumming his fingers against the countertop. "I guess… I'll see you around then."

She grins more tightly. "It is a small office."

She goes back to her keyboard then, and he knows that's his cue to leave. He's so confused. He doesn't _want _things to be weird between them, but he doesn't know how to fix this.

He turns back around to see Tina glaring at him from the doorway, and he misses cool, fun Tina from Columbus, not the weirdly jealous Tina she has become in Lima. He also misses the Rachel who was his best friend, who knew him better than anyone, and he wonders what happened to make her act so cold.

He's back, but he feels like everything has changed except for him.

* * *

Tina acts weird around him for the next several days. She's short with him; she doesn't say goodbye before she hangs up when he calls her at night; she blows off his invitations for dinner. Something is clearly up with her, but he has no idea what it could be.

Finally, he gets enough to courage to confront her about it (because angry Tina kind of scares him, okay?), and he manages to corner her in the conference room after one of Will's mandatory meetings that should, at best, be optional to attend. He closes the door after Jesse leaves, then turns to face her.

"You've been avoiding me," he says, crossing his arms, "and when you do talk to me, you've been annoyed, and I just think that I deserve to know why."

Tina sighs, sits down on the edge of the table in the middle of the room. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about Rachel sooner," she says finally.

"There was nothing to tell," Finn says slowly. "Literally nothing happened between us."

"But you wanted it to, didn't you?" Tina demands.

Finn sighs. He senses a trap. "Tina, honestly, what good is it to overanalyze—"

"Do you still have feelings for her?" she says, more firmly this time.

Finn's mouth is incredibly dry, and he knows that the answer he should give is _no_, but he thinks about Rachel and her voice and her smile and what comes out is, "Yes."

Tina gasps, covers her mouth with her hand, hurt showing through her eyes. She pushes past him and out of the conference room. Finn makes no move to go after her.

He's still in love with Rachel. He left and he started dating someone else but he's still so in love with her, and he's not sure how he could possibly stop. She's made it clear where she stands, but he loves her anyway, and he hates that he's hurting Tina, and he hates that he's hurting himself.

* * *

Surprisingly, Tina doesn't break up with Finn. She just insists that they need to work through their issues, that they _can _get through this, and, because he doesn't want to hurt her any longer, he goes along with it. She calls him at all hours of the night, talking about how his friendship with Rachel makes her uncomfortable, and he really wants to ask her _what friendship_ because Rachel has been sort of pretending like he doesn't exist since he's been back.

He doesn't say that though, just says what he thinks she wants to hear, and he wonders if this relationship is _actually_ worth it.

Almost as if she's reading his mind, Tina chooses that moment to sniff, "I just – I moved here for _you_, and now, knowing that there was always something with _her_… You understand why I'm bothered, don't you?"

Finn sighs, adds a noise of agreement, and, as Tina presses onward, glances at the clock. The red numbers scream 2:08, and he yawns, hoping Tina will get the hint.

He's feeling extremely tired the next morning when he ends up in the break room for lunch. He's feeling like he can't focus on his turkey sandwich, and he's really glad Tina went on a sales call with Santana, because he's sure she'd take this opportunity to talk about their issues some more, even though he literally doesn't know what else there could _possibly_ be to talk about.

He jumps a bit when someone slides into the chair next to him, and for a second, he's terrified it's Tina, but then he realizes it's Rachel instead.

She smiles at him, pushes her hair behind her ear, and the familiar rhythm pounds in his chest. He doesn't know how he ever thought he was completely over her, and he can't help wonder if he ever will be.

Finally, he finds his voice. "Hey, Rach," he says slowly.

"Hi, Finn," she greets back, unpacking the salad she brought in a plastic sack. She places her fork on the table, then a napkin, perfectly side by side. Her fingernails are purple. He doesn't know if he's ever seen them painted before.

He's still really confused as to why she's suddenly talking to him when he's been back for over a week, but he decides to not jinx it. He really has missed his best friend. "Erm, what's up?"

"I really am glad you're back," Rachel says, glancing over at him, "and I'm sorry if it didn't seem that way. I just – I thought I should keep my distance, because it was very clear that there is something between you and Tina, and I didn't want to mess with that."

"I missed you, Rachel," he says, voice soft, and he wants to cover her hand with his own, but he refrains. He knows that's not allowed.

Rachel just clears her throat. "So… how are you and Tina?"

It looks like it pains her to ask, and he definitely doesn't want to talk about this with her, so he can't help but wonder why she does. She looks at him imploringly, though, so he says, "Uh, we're – we're good, I guess. She just – there have been a lot of late night phone calls lately."

Rachel nods. "Well, Finn," she says, her voice so quiet he practically has to strain to hear it, "if you really, truly care about someone, you should do everything you can to make sure they're happy." She gives him a small smile, and it doesn't really reach her eyes. "Even if it means losing a little sleep."

He nods, swallows, then says, "Yeah, I mean… yeah, that makes sense."

She just ducks her head, and he thinks she's blushing a bit. He doesn't tell her that that's the way he feels concerning her more than the way he feels concerning Tina. He has no idea if she still stands where she did on that fateful night in the parking lot, and he doubts that at lunch in the middle of the break room is a good place to find out.

There is a few moments of awkward silence, then Finn clears his throat and says, "So, Rachel, how – how have you been?"

Rachel smiles softly, but it's not sincere. She looks tired, he notes, more worn. Almost like she hasn't been sleeping either. "I've been alright," she says finally. "Just… just getting used to being on my own, I guess."

Fin swallows, and, feeling like he should say _something_, blurts out, "I – I heard about you and Brody and – and I'm really sorry."

Rachel looks at him, her gaze harder than he had expected it to be. "Are you really?"

He blinks in surprise. "Yeah, of course I am."

She sighs, gives him another smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Well, thank you, Finn. And I'm really happy for you, and for Tina." She takes in a deep breath. "I hope you experience every happiness together."

He furrows his brow, but before he can say more than, "Thanks, Rach," she's pushing her chair back, and she's gone.

He sits, stunned for a moment, before he decides to go after her. He knows Tina wouldn't approve of this, knows that he shouldn't _care_, but he does, and he can't help but think that something is seriously is up with the girl who was definitely once his best friend.

She's not anywhere in the office, and he's kind of worried. He pushes the door of the office open into the hallway, and then he hears it: The soft sounds of crying. He freezes; he can see her on the next landing of the stairwell, knees drawn up to her chest, head buried in her arms. Sobs are wracking her entire body.

He wants to go to her, wants to rub her back and tell her it will be okay, but he knows that she was trying to hold herself together inside. And he has this sick, twisted feeling that _he's_ the reason she's crying, and he doesn't think he feels very good about that. He was always the one who wanted her, _still wants her_, even now, and now, when he's finally with someone else, she seems to want him, too.

His heart aches, and he glances down at her one more time, her slender shoulders still shaking with sobs, before heading back inside, his heart unbearably heavy. Softly, he lets the door close behind him, and then he leans against it, lets out the breath he didn't even know he was holding.

He's fucked up on so many levels, and he has no idea how to make things right.

* * *

Tina finally stops insisting that they dissect every aspect of their relationship, so Finn guesses he's, like, passed her test, or whatever, but now she's obsessed with getting both of them jobs at corporate in New York City instead. She's suddenly gung ho about rising up the company ladder, and he doesn't know how to tell her he doesn't think they're on the same page. He really _doesn't_ want to sell paper for the rest of his life, and a corporate job just makes that a more solid possibility for his future.

There's only one current opening at corporate anyway, but Tina insists that they both apply for it. "And then, when one of us gets it, we can both move to New York City and be out of this cow town forever!" she says exuberantly over dinner one night. She beams at him over the top of her wine glass.

"Sounds great," Finn says, his voice flat, and Tina frowns, but he knows she doesn't understand. Lima has been his home, and it's where everyone he knows is, and this time, he doesn't know if moving away is the best option.

All of this goes unsaid, however, and they simply finish their meal, the talk of corporate jobs and New York City on the backburner, just for a night.

* * *

Tina doesn't drop the subject of the corporate job, even when they're on what's supposed to be a relaxing retreat at Lima's one and only beach, a lake a few miles away from the office.

He asks her to stop with the work talk, but she just gives him a withering look, saying, "Finn, we're on a _work retreat_."

So there goes that plan. She actually calls the New York office while they're sitting on the shoreline, and once she's done explaining that she's interested in the job, she hands the phone to Finn, looking at him expectantly. He sighs, knowing he doesn't really have a choice, and he talks to the secretary on the other end, saying that he's interested in the job as well. Tina beams at him, and he's sure her eyes are glinting behind her sunglasses.

Will had this great idea that they should roast hot dogs out on the beach, so they end up staying way past normal work hours, but it's a nice, relaxing environment, so Finn really doesn't mind. Jesse's even being relatively cool and not nearly as obnoxious as usual. Finn wonders if being out in nature sort of calms everyone.

He catches Rachel's eye from where she's sitting across the circle, and she just stares back at him, no hint of a smile, completely expressionless. It's kind of confusing, actually. She's never looked at him this way before.

Will stands up then, heads to the center of their circle, and declares that he'd like to make a speech, but first, if anyone wants to speak, they are welcome to.

To Finn's (and everyone else's) surprise, Rachel stands up, dusting off her jean shorts. "I have something I would like to say."

Will blinks in surprise, but recovers quickly, saying, "Sure, of course, Rachel," and he heads back to his chair.

Rachel clears her throat, rings her hands. "Hello," she says finally. "I – I know you all know me, but you don't _really_ know me, which is weird to think about, seeing as we've worked together for years. And – and part of that is my fault, so I apologize, because I didn't do what I could to get to know you better. But, anyway, that's not the point – the point is that, even though we may not know each other that well, you all feel like my family. I can truly say I enjoy being around each and every one of you, and I just, I wanna say thank you for that, whether you feel the same way or not."

She pauses, and the fire crackles behind her. "There is, however, someone who I would say I know pretty well, or at least I did. And I'd like to think that he knows me." She takes a deep breath in, then she turns to look Finn in the eye. His heart pounds against his ribcage, and he feels like somehow, he knows exactly where this is going. Tina stiffens beside him.

"I miss you, Finn. You're there every day, just across the room, but ever since you've come back from Columbus, things have been different. You were my _best friend_, and now, what even are we? It feels like we're strangers, and I _hate_ it, I hate it _so much_." She takes in a deep, shuddering breath, wipes briefly at her eyes.

Finn's mouth feels extremely dry.

"I called off my wedding because of you," she says finally, the words practically tumbling over each other. "There were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding, but I didn't care about any of them until you were there in front of me telling me that you were in love with me. And then I was stupid and you left and now you have someone, and I'm really happy for you," she adds, "truly. But every day, I look at you, and I miss my best friend, but I also miss what we never had, because I was stupid, and scared, and – and I just…" A few tears snake down her cheek, but she hastily wipes them away.

"I'm not saying this to upset you, and I'm not saying this for any reason other than the fact that I can't hold it inside any longer. I can't look at you every day and pretend that I don't miss you with every fiber of my being. And – and I guess I just needed you to know that. Just once."

She's repeating his words back to him, almost verbatim, the ones he said to her outside the warehouse, the night that he's tried desperately to forget, that feels so far away. He can't do anything but stare at her. He can feel Tina staring at him.

"Well, that's – that's it really," Rachel says, her voice seeming to have lost all its confidence. She laughs, humorlessly. "That's enough of the Rachel Berry Train Wreck Extravanganza for one night, I suppose, so I'm – I'm gonna go stand in the water for a while."

She nods firmly, and then sprints toward the water. She's already barefoot, he sees, her feet dark against the pale sand.

"What the hell was that about?" Tina hisses, but he doesn't answer her. He's still staring at the spot where Rachel stood, his mind going practically a thousand miles per hour.

* * *

She's still standing in the water when he wades up behind her, pants rolled up to his knees. He knows she knows he's there, but she doesn't say anything. He doesn't say anything either. They stand in silence for several minutes, nothing but the sound of the water lapping up against the shore behind them.

"Hey," he says finally, because he's not entirely sure what else he's supposed to say. He just knows he has to – _wants to _– talk to her.

She glances over at him, gives him the first real smile he's seen on her face since he's been back. "Hey."

"So… that was some speech."

She sighs, pushes her hair behind her ear. "Look, Finn, I honestly didn't—"

"I know," he tells her gently, pressing his hand against the small of her back. He feels her tense slightly at his touch, and he quickly moves his hand away. He clears his throat. "I – I know you just – just needed to say what you needed to say. Believe me, I know that better than anyone."

He cracks a smile, and hesitantly, she smiles back. "I really have missed you, Finn," she whispers. Her eyes seem even larger in the moonlight.

"I've missed you, too."

"And I wish you the best of luck in New York."

He furrows his brow. "How did you know about that?"

Rachel shrugs. "Tina's been telling everyone the two of you are going for the job."

He sighs, fights the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah, well, I don't even know if I _want_ the job."

"No matter what you do, you'll be amazing," Rachel says, looking out at the water, "but I think that you should do the thing you love, if possible."

"Then… what are you doing here?" Finn asks despite himself.

Rachel's smile is wry, but she doesn't answer the question. "You should get back to Tina," she whispers instead.

Finn's heart sinks, and Rachel turns and wades back toward the shore. He watches her go, running a hand through his hair and wondering how a matter of weeks could turn his entire life topsy turvy, how he could feel like he literally has _nothing_ figured out.

* * *

New York is loud and busy and nothing like Lima. Finn thinks he likes it. He and Tina arrive a day early, to see the city and stuff, and it's sort of fun, just hanging out in the city. They go to Times Square, and there are giant advertisements for these Broadway shows everywhere, which only makes him think of Rachel. He wonders what she's doing in Lima right now.

"Finn?" Tina asks, waving her hand in his face. "Are you alright?"

He nods, plasters on a smile. "I'm fine," he says, "totally fine." But he's kind of not, because suddenly all he can see in this place is Rachel, and he wonders what it would be like to see her here, staring up at the signs, her mouth wide in a smile.

He tunes back into what Tina is saying, something about preparing for the interview tomorrow, and suddenly, Finn knows that he doesn't want to be here without Rachel. He doesn't want to be _anywhere_ without Rachel.

"Tina," he says quietly, interrupting her, and as she stops talking, he can see in her eyes that she knows what comes next.

* * *

She's at her desk when he walks in the next morning, a bit later than usual. She's staring at her computer, bottom lip between her teeth, nose crinkled as she concentrates on what she's typing. She doesn't see him until he's leaning against the countertop of her desk.

"Hello, welcome to McKinley Paper Goods, how may I—_Finn_?"

He smiles. "Hey, Rach."

"Shouldn't you be at your interview? Did it get moved? Where's Tina?" She tries to look around him, but he just grins.

"Tina's in New York, at her interview," he tells her, "and I really hope she gets the job, because I don't think she wants to come back here after I broke up with her in Times Square."

Rachel raises her eyebrows. "You – you what?"

Finn ducks his head, and he can't help but smile. "Listen, Rachel, are you – are you free tonight?"

"Yes," she responds almost immediately.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

All he can hear is the frantic beating of his heart, the blood pounding against his ear drums. Rachel looks frozen in shock.

"Yes," she says finally, "yes, I would like that very much."

"Great," he says, and he can't help the grin that spreads across his face. "I'll pick you up at seven."

He heads over to his desk, putting down his bag. When he glances back up, Rachel's looking over at him, trying to bite back a smile.

It's going to be a long day, but he knows that it'll be worth it. Tonight's going to be amazing.

* * *

He decides to take her bowling after she says she's never been before.

"It's really easy," he tells her, "I promise. I'll even help you your first couple of times up."

She nods and says okay, and then she smiles at him, and he smiles right back. He feels like he has to keep pinching himself, because after all these years, after her being with Brody and then him being with Tina, he's finally, _finally_ on a date with Rachel Berry. They've finally got the timing right.

Rachel picks out this pink ball that can't be heavier than six pounds, and the shoes she gets at the front desk are almost comically small, but he just finds it all so endearing. He really wants to kiss her, but he doesn't think it's the right time yet.

Rachel bites her lip, goes to stand in front of the lane. She holds the ball up, then she looks at him over her shoulder. "What now?"

"Here, let me show you."

He goes to stand behind her, his fingers lightly looping around her wrist. He accidentally breathes in the scent of her shampoo, and he has to remember for a moment where he is and what he's doing. "Right, it's all about aiming for the pins down there."

Rachel snorts. "I figured that part out, thanks for that, Finn."

"Berry, do you want my help or not?" he asks, tone teasing. "As I was saying, aim for the pins, but use these arrows on the ground to guide you."

Rachel glances down at the boards, at the small, black arrows pointing toward the end of the lane. "Okay," she says slowly.

"Alright, now, you take your arm back like this," he tells her, moving her arm to demonstrate, "and then you swing it forward, letting go at _just_ the right moment." She lets go of the ball, and it rolls down the lane, albeit somewhat slowly.

They both watch the ball go, his fingers still wrapped around her wrist. As the ball rolls toward the pins, he becomes aware of how close he is to her. He glances down at her, but her eyes are on the lane, her brow furrowed slightly, tongue poking out of her mouth. He smiles.

He hears the crack of ball meeting pin, and he looks up just in time to see three pins topple over. He's about to tell Rachel not to worry about it, that she'll do better next time, when she squeals, jumping up to wrap her arms around his neck. He's caught off guard, but he manages to hug her back.

"I did it!" Rachel squeals, laughing somewhat breathlessly, she pulls back, and Finn can see her eyes are shining brightly. He doesn't think she's ever looked more beautiful than she does in this moment.

"Maybe next time you can knock over four," he teases, but she ignores him, fingers pressing against the back of his neck as she pulls his face down to hers. Her lips press against his insistently, and he knows they'll both remember this kiss tomorrow. He moves his hands to her waist, presses her as close to him as he can, lightly tracing the outline of her lips with his tongue. Her mouth opens beneath his, and he slides his tongue into her mouth, and he honestly never ever thought this would actually be happening.

Eventually, they have to break apart due to necessities like oxygen, but her lips are curled into a smile as she does, her fingers loosely curling around the nape of his neck.

"Wow," he whispers.

"I know, three pins is pretty impressive," she says cheekily.

"You know, you still have another ball," he tells her.

Her eyes widen, almost comically. "What?"

He nods. "Yep, you have two chances to take down all the pins."

Rachel literally looks like Christmas has come early, and she insists she doesn't need Finn's help this time. Her tongue is sticking adorably out the side of her mouth, and she uses both hands to haul the ball down the lane, but she does it, and she even knocks over one pin, bringing her total up to four. The way she's bouncing up and down, though, you would think she'd gotten a strike.

She kisses him again in celebration, and if he knew that all it took to get a kiss from Rachel Berry was for her to knock over a few pins, he would have taken her bowling a long, long time ago.

He ends up beating her but she doesn't even seem to mind, and she gives him a really awesome good night kiss when he drops her off at her apartment.

"I had a great time tonight, Finn," she tells him sincerely. She squeezes his fingers. She's been holding his hand since they left the bowling alley, her fingers laced with his own.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time," he tells her. "I'm sorry I got caught up."

She smiles, a dimple showing in her cheek. "I'm sorry I never saw what was right in front of me before it was too late."

He smoothes his thumb over the back of her hand. "Well, what matters is that we're both here now, and we're both committed to making this work."

Rachel raises an amused eyebrow. "And what is this, exactly?"

Finn's heart pounds in his chest; he licks his suddenly dry lips. "I – I mean… I just…"

"I'm kidding," she tells him, laughing lightly, and her nervously chuckles. "I want this to be a real thing between us," she tells quietly, once she's done giggling, her expression more serious.

"It always has been," he tells her, "and I'm starting to think it always will be."

She smiles, and then she kisses him again, her hand pressing right over his thrumming heart.

* * *

Rachel decides that Finn absolutely _must _meet her fathers, and it's really strange that they haven't met yet to begin with, and, now that they're dating she wants to meet his family as well. When Finn tells her about his family's picnic they have every Fourth of July, she says it could be the _perfect_ opportunity for their families to meet, as long as his family doesn't mind her and her fathers coming.

"My mom would love it," he tells her sincerely, which earns him a kiss on the cheek, and that's how the plans for their families to meet falls into place.

Finn tells his mom that Rachel and her dads will be coming to the picnic, and she's so excited, he can tell, partly because he's never brought a girl home before, and partly because she knows that Rachel is truly special.

"Oh, Finn, I can't wait to meet her, especially if she's as wonderful as you say she is," she tells him, patting him on the cheek.

He blushes. "She is, Mom."

His mom just smiles.

He and Rachel drive separately to his parents' house, so she can show up at the same time as her dads, so Finn heads over early to help his mom set up. She insists she has everything under control though, so he ends up mostly pacing in the living room, glancing at the clock.

"You're going to wear a hole in the rug," Kurt notes, raising an amused eyebrow.

Finn sighs, sitting down next to his stepbrother on the couch. "I just – I'm nervous."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I figured that part out, surprisingly."

Finn shoots him an acidic smile. "It's just – Rachel and I have come so far, and if our families don't get along, or if her dads don't like me or something, it would almost be like some sort of sign."

"A sign of what?" Kurt asks flatly.

Finn shrugs. "A sign that we shouldn't be together or something."

Kurt snorts. "That's preposterous." When Finn gives him an odd look, he goes on. "I mean, ultimately, this shouldn't even matter. If you both want to be together, then you should be together. From what you've told me, you've spent a lot of time letting things you keep from being together. Don't let this be one of them, no matter the outcome."

Finn smiles at his brother, claps him on the back, and he knows he's right. He loves Rachel (even if he hasn't quite told her that yet), and he's sure that what they have is special. Nothing is going to ruin this for him or for her or for them.

Rachel and her fathers arrive shortly after six, when the picnic is already in full swing, and they definitely take a liking to Finn's mother immediately, which puts Finn somewhat at ease. His mom immediately sweeps Rachel into this giant hug as well, saying that it's lovely to meet her after hearing such good things about her, causing Rachel to flush with pleasure.

Her dads aren't too bad either, a little intimidating because they're both somehow taller than him (which is almost unprecedented), but they both seem to like him enough, he thinks. Burt and one of her dads, Hiram, talk about the Cavaliers while her other dad, Leroy, asks his mom if she likes musical theater.

Rachel looks over at him and smiles, squeezing the hand she's holding.

Rachel and Kurt also hit it off amazingly well, since they both seem to apparently be obsessed with Broadway and Barbra Streisand. They've already set up a shopping trip for the following weekend before Finn manages to pull Rachel aside, just before the fireworks are about to start.

"What's up, Finn?" she asks, looking confused. "Kurt and I were really bonding!"

"I know, and I'm really happy about that," he assures her, "but there's something I want to show you."

She still looks confused, but she follows him to the very corner of the backyard, regardless. He stops under the largest tree in the yard, looks up. She does the same, and then she smiles.

"A tree house?" she teases.

He just grins. "I figured it would be the perfect place to watch the fireworks from."

He lets Rachel climb up first, and then he follows. The tree house isn't as big as he remembers it being, and they both have to sit on the edge, feet dangling somewhat precariously over the edge, but he doesn't mind and he doesn't think she does either. She smoothes out the skirt of her dress, then wraps both of her arms around one of his, leaning her head against his shoulder.

The fireworks start to go off, loud and bright in the sky, and she lets out a little gasp of appreciation. He smiles, pressing his lips briefly to her forehead. In that moment, he feels such a rush of love for her, and he knows it's probably entirely too soon to voice it out loud, but he's loved her quietly all along, and now, he just can't keep it inside.

"I love you," he whispers against her hair, so softly he's not even sure she heard him at all.

She looks up at him though, eyes wide, and he's sure she's going to tell him it's too soon, that he can't expect her to say anything back yet, but slowly, she smiles. "I love you, too," she whispers back, and then she presses her mouth against his.

They miss the rest of the fireworks show. He really couldn't care less.

* * *

Rachel informs her fathers that Finn will be giving her a ride home, so they don't need to drop her off before they head back to their own abode for the evening. Finn says goodbye to his parents, and to Kurt, then Rachel does the same. Finn's mom hugs Rachel so tightly he's concerned about her air supply, but she's beaming when they pull apart, so he figures she's probably fine.

"Make sure you visit again soon!" Finn's mom calls after them, and Rachel assures that they will. Finn waves one last time before he slides into the driver's side of the car.

"So," he says, looking over at her, "where to?"

"You're not taking me home," she tells him, resting her hand on his knee.

He swallows. "I'm not?"

She shakes her head with a small smile. "No, we're going back to your place. Is Sam out tonight?"

Wordlessly, he nods, and she leans over to press a kiss to his cheek. "Let's go," she whispers in his ear, and it doesn't take more than that for him to put the car in reverse and back out of the driveway.

* * *

Rachel practically attacks him the minute they set foot in his apartment. He doesn't even have time to make sure Sam is _really _gone before her lips are on his neck, her hands already dipping dangerously low, her fingers already trying to unfasten his jeans.

He barely has time to groan her name before she's pushing him back against the couch. His knees hit the edge and he collapses onto it, and it's only a matter of seconds until she's straddling him, her hair tickling his nose.

"Rach," he manages to get out until she presses her mouth against his, her tongue easily sliding inside. He sort of just stops thinking altogether, his hands finding her waist. She gently grinds against him, and he can feel himself starting to grow hard already.

"Rachel, we should – we should really move to the bedroom," he manages to get out, once she moves her lips to his ear, taking his earlobe into her mouth. "Not – not sure when Sam will be home—"

Pouting slightly, she pulls away, hands still on his shoulders.

He leans up to kiss her. "I promise," he murmurs when he pulls away, "that we are going to continue this as soon as that door shuts behind us." He kisses her again. "I just don't want Sam to walk in on us in a compromising position."

"Okay," she sighs, and slowly, she moves so she's sitting beside him rather than on top of him. He stands up, and she looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes. She takes his outstretched hand and lets him lead her into his bedroom.

True to his word, right after he shuts the door behind them, he turns back around and places both of his hands on either side of her face, kissing her with everything he has. She lets out a moan underneath his lips, kissing him back exuberantly, backpedaling toward the bed. She falls onto it, pulling him with her, one of his legs between her thighs.

Her lips are on his neck, and slowly, he slides his fingers up her thigh, underneath the hem of her dress. She lets out a low moan against his skin.

"I love you," he whispers, and he can feel her smile.

"I love you, too," she whispers back, breathless, her own fingers dipping once more into the waistband of his jeans.

A few minutes later, after a lot of panting and kissing and removing clothing, nothing but her bra and panty set and his boxers remain. His cock is already stiff, aching for attention, and he twitches just thinking about being inside of her.

Rachel seems to notice, but she just smiles, pushing his boxers down his hips. She licks her lips at the sight of him – all of him – and he doesn't think he's ever seen something so hot in his entire life. Before she can go any further, however, he catches her wrist.

"What is it?" she asks, her gaze implorting.

"I just – I wanna… you know… inside of you for the first time, if – if that's okay."

Rachel smiles, cups his cheek with her free hand before kissing him gently. "That's perfect," she whispers back.

She reaches behind her to undo the clasp of her bra, and the material falls down her shoulders. Finn gulps as she removes it completely, and he's imagined this moment literally thousands of times, but somehow, the real thing is so much better.

She looks at him from beneath hooded eyes, a small smirk on her face, and that's all the permission he needs to take them both in his hands. He kneads them gently, and her eyes roll back into her head in pleasure.

"_Oh, Finn_," she moans, and he doesn't think he's ever heard something so beautiful in his life. He lowers his mouth to one, running his tongue over her nipple. Her fingers grip his hair, her moans increasing, and then she's pulling his head up and urgently pressing her mouth against his.

She thrusts her hips up into his, and he gets the message, sliding two fingers into her underwear. He can feel she's wet already, _wet for him_, and he grows impossibly harder.

"Shit, Rach," he breathes. She starts sucking on his pulse point.

"Finn, please," she whimpers, bucking against his hand.

He swallows, pulling down her underwear.

Once she's rolled a condom onto him and once he's inside of her, he has to take a moment to just breathe, because this is really happening and she feels _so fucking good_ and he loves her so much.

"I love you so much, too," Rachel breathes in his ear, rocking her hips into his, silently urging him to move, and he realizes he said all of that stuff out loud. Before he can say anything else, however, she rocks against him again, murmuring, "please, Finn, make love to me."

So he does.

* * *

Later, after they've gone through nearly half of the box of condoms, Finn just watches Rachel sleep, watches the rise and fall of her chest, the way the moonlight makes her skin glow in the darkness. She sighs, burrows into his side, and he brushes the bangs out of her eyes.

He doesn't think she's ever looked more beautiful.

"Finn," she murmurs, smacking her lips slightly. For a moment, he thinks she's awake, but she just lets out a soft groan, turning away from him slightly.

He smiles, slips his arm around her waist, and whispers one more time that he loves her before succumbing to sleep himself.

He never thought he could actually be this happy.

* * *

They both agree that their relationship does not need to be on display at work, nor does it need to be the subject of office gossip fodder, so they do their best to keep it on the down low. It's harder than Finn thought it would be, since she's literally sitting a few feet away and he can't do anything other than smile at her (but not too much, because, according to Rachel, after a while it just turns into this lovesick grin, which would definitely be a dead giveaway).

He makes even more excuses to visit her desk than he did before (which was already a lot, if he's being honest), asking her to look up something for him on her computer, or giving her papers to copy for him. They never talk about anything important, only trivial things like they used to, but sometimes he lets his fingers linger against hers when she passes him the files he asked for, and sometimes he catches her looking over at him, trying to hide a smile.

He really hopes the way he feels about Rachel isn't as tangible as he thinks it is, otherwise this whole secret relationship thing won't stay secret for very long.

* * *

Rachel's alone in the break room when he walks in, standing over by the coffee pot. There's a slight frown on her face as she surveys it, the coffee dripping out at an incredibly slow pace. Wordlessly, he comes up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist.

"Finn!" she hisses when he nuzzles his nose into her neck, pushing her hair over one shoulder. "We can't do this here! What if we get caught?"

"We won't get caught," he murmurs, pressing a light kiss to the skin of her neck.

"Finn," she mutters, but with considerably less conviction this time. She tilts her head to give him better access.

"You're too tense," he whispers, kissing right below her ear. Rachel lets out a low moan before spinning around and kissing him full on the mouth instead.

Before Finn can deepen the kiss, he hears someone clear their throat, and Rachel pushes him away so fast he practically loses his balance.

"Blaine!" she squeaks out, hurriedly pushing her hair behind her ear. Her cheeks are beet red, and he can only imagine how his own appear.

He runs a hand through his hair before turning around to see their HR rep staring at them both with narrowed eyes.

"This isn't what it looks like," Finn says. "We were just… I was…"

"Finn was just showing me…"

Blaine holds up a hand. "I think I need to see you both in my cubicle, if you wouldn't mind."

Rachel looks at Finn, and he looks back at her. Swallows.

"Alright."

* * *

Blaine sighs, digging out a file from the cabinet under his desk. Rachel's leg is bouncing nervously up and down, and Finn really wants to put his hand on her knee, rub circles on her skin to calm her, but he knows they're probably in enough trouble as it is, so he refrains.

Finally, Blaine stops rooting around in the cabinet, setting a single file folder onto his desk. He purses his lips, crosses his hands, and surveys them both. Then he finally says, "You really couldn't have waited two more days to get caught?"

Finn raises his eyebrows. He glances over at Rachel. She has a similar look of disbelief on her face.

"I beg your pardon?" Rachel asks.

Blaine's face breaks out into a grin. "Oh, come on, everyone knows. There was an office pool about when you'd finally come clean! I'm pretty sure Brittany had today, but I should get some of the pot for catching you in the act," he adds thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry," Finn says, because he really must have heard wrong, "what? Aren't we… isn't there, like, a company policy against this?"

Blaine laughs. "No, no policy," he assures him, sliding the file folder in their direction. "You'll just have to fill out a few forms, saying you won't hold the company accountable in any case of a break up, all that jazz." He looks at both of their still-bewildered faces, and laughs again. "You really thought you were in trouble, didn't you?"

"Well, I…" Rachel glances over at Finn, then back at the documents.

Finn smiles, then puts his hand on her knee.

"Of course, I really do have to advise against public displays of affection like the one I walked in on in the break room," Blaine adds, "but that shouldn't be too much of a problem, I don't think. It never has been for Quinn and Jesse, so I expect the same from you."

"Quinn and _Jesse_?" Finn asks dubiously at the same time Rachel exclaims, "I _knew_ it!"

"Yeah," Blaine says, his voice tainted with mild amusement, "that's been happening for a few years now."

"I told you!" Rachel exclaims gleefully, poking Finn in the arm. "I _told _you!"

"Alright, you told me," he laughs, and he thinks she's looks really adorable, with her bright eyes and wide smile.

"So, how soon until the rest of the office knows?" he asks Blaine.

"Well, if you keep up the displays I walked in on, I'd say a matter of minutes," he teases.

Finn rolls his eyes good naturedly, reaching over and taking Rachel's hand in his own. Everyone was bound to find out eventually, because he really does plan on making this thing last between them, because he knows it's the Real Deal, the kind of stuff Kurt always loved about those Disney movies.

The way Rachel's smiling at him makes him think that she might just feel that this is the Real Deal, too.

* * *

They've been together for three months when Finn decides to surprise Rachel with a weekend away. He takes off from work a few hours early to go to her apartment and pack her stuff, and then he tells her to meet him at the airport. She sounds confused on the phone, but she shows up regardless, and when he tells her that they're going to New York City, she shrieks so loudly that several people turn to look in their direction.

He ignores them, though, just hugs Rachel back, and tells her that they should hurry or they'll miss their flight.

He can tell from the moment they land in New York City that Rachel is completely in her element. She doesn't stop smiling the whole way to their hotel, and she even hails a cab like a pro, which Finn thinks is especially impressive for someone of her stature. She's so pumped that she even jumps on the bed in their room, trying desperately to get Finn to join her, but he just laughs, says, "Baby, I'm too tall," so she pouts and then tackles him instead.

He takes her to see a Broadway show, and once she sees all the marquees, she lights up even more, impossibly so.

"Finn, this is amazing," she breathes, gripping his arm tightly.

"Amazing," he murmurs, but he's looking at her face rather than their surroundings.

Halfway through the play, he leans over and whispers that one day, it's gonna be her on that stage. She sort of tears up when she looks over at him, and she kisses him right there, in the middle of the second act.

They have to go back to Lima on Sunday night, because they both work the next morning, but he thinks the weekend was definitely a success. He could see them moving to New York, someday, so Rachel could pursue her dreams. He thinks he'd really like that, and he knows she'd like that as well, even if it means leaving the job that brought them together behind.

* * *

Rachel's state of bliss continues to last even after they get back from New York, and she's just really happy all the time, which makes Finn really happy. He's increasingly more confident in the fact that he wants to make her happy like this for the rest of his life. They've only been together for four months, but he's been in love with her for years, and he knows she's the girl he wants to marry. And he's pretty sure Rachel feels the exact same way.

Everyone in the office knows about them by now, but surprisingly, no one really made a big deal out of things. Well, everyone except for Will, who is somehow crediting their union to some imaginary deed of his own. (Alright, maybe he deserves a _tiny _bit of the credit because he hired them both, but other than that, he's kind of grasping at straws.)

Anyway, he invites them over for dinner, says that his wife, Emma, is pretty much the best cook in all of Ohio and he won't take no for an answer. So they go home and change into nicer clothes and pick up a bottle of wine on the way to Will's for dinner.

Things aren't as awkward as Finn expects them to be in all honesty, even though it's just him and Rachel and Will and Emma, but Emma _is _really good cook (even if she's a bit of a neat freak), and Will is a lot more relaxed outside of the office.

Emma wants to know _everything _about their romance, because apparently it sounds pretty epic from what Will has told her, but Rachel just squeezes Finn's hand, giving him a small smile before saying, "We just took a little while to completely find our way, that's all."

Emma looks slightly disappointed, but she doesn't press, and Finn is grateful, because it's kind of nice, knowing that their complete story is just theirs.

They stay for a little bit after dinner, just talking and drinking glasses of wine, but then Rachel reminds Finn that he promised her he'd give her a massage when they got home, and the thought of Rachel's bare shoulders underneath his fingertips is enough for him to quickly bid adieu to their boss.

Emma says that they should do this again sometime, and Rachel agrees. She grips Finn's hand tightly as they say their goodbyes, and Finn strangely finds himself hoping that they can be as happy as Will and Emma someday, that they can have that kind of life and maybe even more.

"What are you thinking about?" Rachel asks quietly after they both get in the car, placing her hand on his knee after he puts the car into drive.

"Us," he answers truthfully. He swallows, then adds, "the future."

Rachel smiles. "Me, too."

Finn glances over at her, grabbing the hand that's on his knee and rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

* * *

"I don't know, Finn," Rachel says, biting her lip. She glances at her laptop, then up at him. "It says open casting call, but I don't have any experience…"

"Baby, you're amazing," he assures her, cupping the back of her head with his hand.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "You've never even seen me perform," she points out.

"I've heard you sing in the shower, and trust me, that's already pretty mind-blowing," he assures her, and he gets a bit of a smile for that.

"The audition's on a Tuesday—"

"So take a personal day."

"Finn—"

"Rachel, this is your _dream_," he reminds her gently, "and I know you want to take this _amazing _opportunity, so _take it_."

She bites down on her lip again, eyes falling back to the screen. "If I get this, I'll be in New York City for three months," she whispers finally. She looks back at him, her eyes wide and scared. "What about us?"

"We'll figure that part out, I promise," he says, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Alright," she says finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she confirms, "I'm going to audition."

"Rach, this is fantastic!"

"I haven't gotten the part yet," she reminds him, but he scoops her up anyway, twirling her around.

"You will," he promises.

She laughs. "I hope you're right."

* * *

Rachel leaves to go to New York to audition for the musical on a Monday night, and, even though she's only going to be gone for a day, Finn can't help but miss her. He drives her to the airport and he kisses her goodbye, and then he goes home and makes preparations for the visit he has to take to the Columbus branch the next morning.

Will wants him to compare prices between the two branches or something, but he never thought to tell him that the Columbus branch manager happens to be Tina. So he's definitely thrown off guard when his ex-girlfriend is his 9 AM appointment.

"You know, Finn," Tina says, her tone teasing, and he guesses he's just glad she doesn't seem vindictive or anything, "if you wanted to see me that badly, you could've just driven down without the pretense of business."

"Oh, no, that's not – I didn't come here on a personal call," Finn says quickly. "It's literally just business. I mean, I'm with Rachel, and we're – we're really happy, so…"

Tina's stare turns steely. "That's great, Finn," she says, her voice flat. "Really. Tell me more about how happy you are with the girl you dumped me for, I'd really love to hear more about that."

Finn swallows, and he's pretty sure he's definitely walked into some sort of trap. "Tina, I didn't – I'm literally here to just talk about paper prices, I swear."

Tina ignores him. "Really, I don't ever think about how you _dumped me_ in the middle of _New York City_ before the biggest interview of my life – which I didn't even get by the way – but don't worry, I am _so_ over you, Finn Hudson, and you and your precious Rachel Berry can ride off into the sunset for all I care. In fact, I could _care less_. And you know what? You can _leave_."

"Tina," he protests weakly, but she marches over to the door of her office, determinedly swinging it open.

"Go on," she says.

He sighs, stuffs his hands into his pockets. "Tina, look, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"Go," she repeats.

He does as she asks, grabbing his coat on the way out. He wonders how he's going to explain to Will that he'll have to send someone else to negotiate paper prices.

He can tell Rachel's trying not to laugh when he tells her about his run in with Tina after she gets back that evening. She's pressing her fingers against her mouth, but her eyes give her away, and soon a giggle escapes her lips, but he finds himself laughing along with her, because it _is_ kind of ridiculous.

"I'm so sorry, babe," she says once she finishes laughing, running her hand over the top of his head.

He shrugs. "I deserved it I guess. I don't regret it, though," he adds, looking at her meaningfully. "You are the most important thing to me, and I do wish I hadn't hurt Tina, but it ultimately lead us to where we are, so I can't be sorry for that."

Rachel ducks her head, her hand now on the back of his neck. Her fingers lightly rub a patch of skin, and he involuntarily shivers.

"Hey, what about you?" he asks, realizing that they haven't even talked about her audition yet. "How did your audition go?"

Rachel bites her lip. "I got it," she whispers.

"You _what_?"

She grins. "I got it," she repeats, louder this time.

"Rach, I'm so proud of you!" Finn exclaims, sweeping her up into a hug, and he really, truly is. He squeezes her tight, breathes in the scent of her. She smells like strawberries. "I knew you could do it, baby," he whispers in her hair.

She has a few tears coming down her cheeks when she pulls away, but she's smiling. Gently, he wipes the tears away with his thumb.

"You know what this means, don't you?" she whispers, her smile fading. "I'll have to move to New York for three months."

"We'll get through this," he tells her confidently, and he truly knows that they will. He's pretty sure that they can get through anything, and this is her _dream_. She deserves this, and he tells her that. "You're going to be amazing," he adds.

She smiles, then hugs him again, her arms looping around her waist. He holds her tight, and he knows that the next three months might be hard, but they'll be more than worth it in the end.

* * *

He takes a few days off to drive Rachel to New York and help her get settled into the apartment she's renting for her three-month stay. She's just on temporary leave at McKinley, so her job will still be waiting for her when she comes back.

There are boxes stacked in the living room of the apartment, but they're both just sitting on the couch rather than working on unloading Rachel's things. She pulls her feet up under her, curling into Finn.

"Do you have to go?" she asks in a smile voice.

Finn sighs, gently pressing his lips against her hair. "Not until tomorrow night," he says finally, "but I can't stay here, baby, you know that."

"I know," she mumbles back. "I'm just gonna really miss you."

"Hey, I'll come up every weekend if I have to," he reminds her, "and we'll Skype, like, every night."

"Promise?"

"Of course, baby girl," he assures her, rubbing her shoulder. "We can do this. This is your chance to shine, alright?"

She nods, and he kisses the top of her head. "We should probably unpack some of these," he points out quietly, but he feels her shake her head.

"Later," she says. "Right now, I just wanna stay like this."

"Okay," he whispers back, wrapping his arms around her more tightly. He's so incredibly happy for her, and so incredibly proud, but there's no doubt that he's gonna miss her while she's here and he's back in Ohio.

* * *

It's been two weeks and he already misses her so much it hurts. Her rehearsals are going well, he knows, and shows officially start this week, but he really misses waking up next to her, the way her hair would fall in her eyes as she slept. He thinks that after this, he might just need to marry her, because Rachel said before she only wants to move in with someone she's engaged to, and, well, he knows he wants to be with her forever, so why shouldn't forever start now?

The night before Rachel is set to premiere, he's woken up at three in the morning by a phone call. He blinks blearily at the clock, then at his phone. He instantly becomes wide awake when he sees Rachel's picture on the screen.

"Hello?" he answers, his voice thick with sleep. "Rach, is everything okay?"

He hears a shuddering breath on the other line, and he's pretty sure she's been crying. "No, Finn, everything is _not _okay! I go on in fifteen hours and I'm not ready, I'm not ready at all, I can't do this, Finn, I can't!"

"Hey, hey, hey," he says gently, and God, he wishes he were there right, wishes he could hug her and rub her back. "You're gonna be great, Rach, okay? You've worked for this, you've _earned_ this. You're gonna blow everyone away, and they're gonna see just how talented you are."

He hears Rachel take in a deep breath. "Thanks, Finn. I – I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Baby, it's fine," he assures her.

"I just – I needed to hear your voice."

Finn swallows. "I wanted to hear yours, too."

He hears her sigh, and he can imagine her shuffling around, trying to get comfortable. "I really wish you could be here for opening night," she says, her voice small.

He sighs. "I do, too, you know I do, but work—"

"I know," she replies quietly. "I still wish though."

"Me, too," he admits. "But hey, I'll be there this weekend, alright? And I'll see the show and we'll spend all weekend together."

He's pretty sure he can hear the smile in her voice as she replies, "I know, I can't wait."

He glances back at the clock, then says, "Hey, pretty girl, you should probably get some sleep. Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah, a lot better," Rachel says, "and I guess you're right."

"Break a leg tonight," he tells her, even though he knows they'll talk again before her show.

"I love you," she replies.

"I love you, too."

He waits until she hangs up first, and then he lays back down, just staring up at the ceiling. He definitely doesn't think he can go much longer without knowing that she's going to be his wife. He thinks that tomorrow after work, he might just call Kurt up and see if he's interested in helping him pick out a ring.

* * *

He goes to NYC the next weekend, just like he promised Rachel he would, but he feels sort of nervous and jumpy when he spots her across the airport terminal. It probably has something to do with the ring box in his pocket; he feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, like she's going to notice it straightaway. He knows he loves her and he knows she loves him, but the idea of asking her the biggest question he's probably ever going to ask in his entire life is still nerve wracking to say the least.

She starts running toward him when she sees him, and he drops his bag so he can catch her. She peppers his face with kisses, wraps her arms around his neck, and he hugs her tighter than he's ever hugged her. It's been a few weeks, but it feels like a lifetime. He doesn't know how he went years without being with her if it hurts so much to go three weeks without her now.

He spins her around a few times before setting her back down on her feet. She beams up at him, wrapping her arms around one of his. Part of him wants to ask her to marry him right now, but he thinks that she deserves something a little more epic than a proposal at the airport.

"I'm so glad you're here," she tells him, and he thinks her smile might become permanently etched onto her face. He definitely wouldn't mind.

"Me, too," he tells her sincerely. "I can't wait to see you in the show tonight. I'm sure you're amazing, babe."

She grins impossibly wider, leaning her head against his arm as they walk. "I'm excited for you to see it, too," she tells him, "but first, I was hoping we could have some _quality time_."

He raises his eyebrows, but she just giggles, and yeah, it's really, really awesome to be with his girl again.

* * *

Rachel's fucking amazing. That's literally the best way he can describe her performance. She has literally the best voice he's ever heard in his life, and she, like, blows him away with her acting, and he's pretty sure he's in love with the most talented girl in the world. She even blows him a kiss at curtain call, and he does the totally cliché thing of nudging the person next to him and saying, "That's my girlfriend."

His heart pounds in his chest when he thinks that this time tomorrow, she could be his fiancée.

They go back to Rachel's apartment after the show, her declining to go out with the cast for drinks, and he tells her she can go if she wants, and he'll go with her, even, but she just smiles at him coyly and says she has other plans for him.

She doesn't know it, but he has other plans for her as well.

She says she wants to cook for him when they get back to her place, and she tells him to make himself comfortable on the couch while she does. He obliges, and she disappears into the kitchen. He can hear her bustling about, and his knee keeps bouncing up and down in anticipation. He can't control it, and his heart is beating so loud he's sure she can hear it in the other room.

Finally, he just can't take it anymore, and he stands up, nervously wiping his hands on his pants, brushing against the ring box in pocket, before joining her in the kitchen.

"Hey, I told you to wait in the living room," she teases once she sees him, turning away from the stove.

"I couldn't wait," he says simply, and then, in the middle of her kitchen in her temporary apartment in New York City, he drops down onto one knee, ring box open, held between his fingers.

She gasps, her hands flying up to cover her mouth, and he thinks her eyes might be filling with tears. "Finn," she breathes.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, I love you more than I've ever loved anything, and I'd really be so happy if you agreed to be my wife. So, will you marry me?"

She nods, manages to get out the word "yes," and he feels so happy he could burst. He stands up and scoops her up, spinning her around, pressing kisses to the side of her neck. He can feel her tears on his cheek, but he knows they're happy ones.

"Oh my God, we're _engaged_!" she says once he puts her back down, right before she grabs his face and urgently presses her lips against his. He smiles, his mouth curving against hers, gently tugging her closer to him, his hands on her waist.

"I love you so much," he breathes once he pulls away, but she just kisses him again, whispering that she loves him, too.

* * *

Rachel says she wants to be there when he tells everyone in the office that they're engaged, so he brings his laptop to work and has her on video call. She waves hello once he's got everything all set up, and he waves back.

Jesse glares at him. "What are you doing, Hudson?"

"Oh, hey Jesse, say hello to Rachel."

Jesse glances between Finn and the computer screen. "You thought it would be okay to use company time for this?" he finally asks.

"It's nice to see you, too, Jesse," Rachel says.

"Don't you have a song to be singing or something?" Jesse asks her pointedly, and Finn rolls his eyes.

"Alright, that's enough of that I think. If I can have everyone's attention," he adds, raising his voice, "Rachel and I have an announcement."

"Oh my God, Rachel's pregnant, I _knew _it," Quinn says from across the room. Finn can see Rachel frown on the screen.

"Um, no, that's not it," Finn says quickly, "and I think we should probably not do the guessing thing and just let us tell you, if that's alright."

"Finn, what's going on?" Will asks, coming out of his office.

"Well…" Finn says, looking to Rachel on the screen.

"We're engaged!" Rachel exclaims, brandishing her ring hand to the camera.

"Congrats, bro," Puck says, slapping him on the back, and Will comes over at hugs him.

Finn swears Jesse mutters, "Typical waste of company time," but he ignores him, because he and Rachel are _engaged_, and this is a happy occasion, no matter what Jesse says or does to try and ruin it.

"When did this happen?" Brittany asks excitedly. "Rachel, come out of the box so I can see your ring!"

Rachel laughs, describes how Finn proposed to her in her kitchen after her show, and Finn just watches her, completely surprised by the fact that he really does get to be with her forever. Maybe these next two months will go by a lot more quickly knowing that fact.

* * *

He actually thinks he misses her _more _now that they're engaged. He really just wants to hold her, or kiss her, or, you know, other stuff, but she's hundreds of miles away and he _knows _she's doing what she loves but sometimes it just really sucks.

Everyone else in the office seems to know when she's due back home as well, which is super weird, because they keep giving him words of encouragement like, "Three more weeks, man, you can do it" and "She'll be home soon enough. Ten more days, right?"

To be honest, it's kind of freaking him out. He doesn't know when their relationship became something the whole office was involved with, but he guesses he just has to sort of deal with it.

He calls Rachel two days before she's due home, like he does every night, and once she picks up, he says, "Hey, gorgeous, only a few more days!"

"Actually, Finn," she says on the other line, "I kind of need to talk to you about that." She sounds like he's been crying, and he's instantly worried.

"Rach, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"They – they want me to stay on with the show," she manages to say, although her voice is still shaky.

"Oh," he says, and he can hear the false cheeriness in his own voice. "For – for how long?"

"Another three months," she whispers, so low he almost doesn't catch it.

"_Oh_." He feels like he might be sick. He really doesn't want to go another three months without her, but he also doesn't want her to defer her dream of performing for a job she doesn't even like. "Are – are you gonna do it?"

"I don't know," she admits. "I miss you _so _much, but I—"

"I know," he tells her gently. "And if you stay, it'll be hard, but I promise I'm still gonna love you, and I'll still want to marry you. So… so you just have to do what you think you need to do, alright?"

He hears some sniffling, and he thinks she's started crying again.

"Rach?" God, he really just wants to hold her.

"I – I have to go, alright?" she manages to get out. "I'll call you later."

Before he can even say "goodbye" or "I love you," the sound of static fills his ear. She hung up.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He glances around his apartment – the one she was supposed to move into in a matter of days – and he really, really misses her, but he knows that she has to make this decision, and he can't be the one to hold her back.

* * *

He's still feeling pretty shitty when he leaves work the next day, so he's more than surprised to see none other than Rachel standing by his car. She gives him a hesitant smile.

"Hey," he says as he approaches her, bag slung over one shoulder, hands in his pockets.

"Hey," she says back.

He stops just a few feet short of her. He honestly can hardly believe she's _here_.

"I came back," she says.

"I can see that," he notes lightly. They're still standing a few feet apart, and he really wants to just hug her, but he has to be sure first. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Rachel bites her lip, then nods. "New York isn't going anywhere, and right now, this is where I need to be. I'm sure," she adds when Finn opens his mouth. "Now are you going to give your fiancée a proper hello?"

Finn grins, dropping his bag then so he can wrap his arms around her. She still smells the same, like strawberries, like his Rachel.

"I missed you so much," he breathes into her hair.

She pulls back slightly, whispers, "I missed you, too," and then she stands up on her tiptoes to press her lips against his.

"Ugh, gross, this is still company property, you know."

Finn looks over the top of Rachel's head to see Jesse. He doesn't look quite as disgusted by them as usual.

"I'm back, Jesse, isn't it great?" Rachel says brightly.

"Excellent," he says, "Brittany has been filling in as secretary, and believe me, it's going to be nice having someone who actually _knows_ how to work the copier."

Rachel rolls her eyes good-naturedly, and Finn takes the opportunity to kiss her again. Jesse makes another noise of disgust, but Finn just ignores him.

Rachel's _home_.

* * *

He makes her dinner that night at his place (_their_ place, he mentally corrects himself, once she gets all of her things moved in in the coming days). She finds a bottle of unopened wine in his pantry, so they drink that with the pasta he makes, and even though she looks happy and seems happy, he just has to make sure.

"Finn, what I want most in the world right now is you," she tells him gently, covering his hand with her own. "Broadway is still in my future, someday, but right now, my future is here, with you."

He smiles, lacing his fingers with hers. "I mean, I guess we can start planning our wedding."

"Exactly," she says excitedly, and then her gaze turns playful. "We can even start practicing for the honeymoon."

He lets out a low groan. "I like the sound of that."

For the first time in weeks, they share the same bed, and he gets to make love to her and watch her come undone underneath him, her hair splayed against the pillow, moonlight pouring in from the window. He rolls off of her as she finishes, but she quickly curls into his side, rubbing his chest idly with her fingertips.

"Is it going to be like this forever?" she asks quietly in the darkness. "Can it _be_ this good forever?"

He presses his lips against her forehead. "I certainly hope so."

She nuzzles her nose against him, sighing in contentment. He tightens his grip on her shoulders, and he doesn't think he's been this happy in months.

* * *

Wedding planning is a lot more work than Finn thought it would be. There are so many decisions to be made – what color napkins, what type of flowers, what songs they want played at their reception – and honestly, after a while it starts making Finn's head hurt. It's all so _expensive_, too, and he didn't know going into this just how many of his hard-earned paychecks would be going toward one day of his life.

He wants to be able to give Rachel everything, though, because she deserves that much, so he doesn't really say much about it unless she complains first.

He's really just happy to marrying her, so the whole way they decide to go about getting married is up to her. He's happy as long as he gets to call her his wife.

Rachel's been feeling sick lately, so Finn's concerned that she's stressing herself out about the wedding.

"It's just a passing bug," Rachel insists when he asks if she needs to take it easy. "I'm fine, Finn, really."

But she throws up for the next two mornings straight, so he finally manages to convince her to at least see a doctor.

"It's probably just the flu," she grumbles in the waiting room.

"Just please do this for me," he whispers, rubbing her back. "I just wanna make sure you're okay, alright?"

She sighs, but she nods, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Her name is called, and Finn holds her and they're led to a back room. The nurse has Rachel pee in a cup, so Finn just kind of sits idly in the room while she's in the bathroom, twiddling his thumbs and looking around at all of the anatomical models. Finally, she comes out in one of those hospital dressing gowns, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"They insisted I wear this," she says as she sits on the examination table.

"You still look hot," he tells her, and she rolls her eyes, but at least she's smiling.

The doctor comes in a few minutes later, chart in hand, and she smiles at them both. She asks Rachel about why they're here, and she describes her symptoms. The doctor keeps smiling the whole time, and it's really freaking Finn out. Like, what if there _is_ something wrong with Rachel? Why is she smiling?

"My fiancé insisted we come, but I told him I'm fine," Rachel finishes, clasping her hands together in her lap.

"Well, something is up, Rachel, so your fiancé here was right to get you checked out, although it's not anything bad," she adds, probably because she can see the concern on Finn's face. He takes Rachel's hand, pressing his lips lightly against her knuckles. "You're expecting!"

Rachel gasps, but Finn just stares at the doctor blankly. "Expecting what?"

The doctor just keeps smiling, and then Rachel's taking their linked hands and pressing them against her stomach, and slowly, it's sinking in.

"Finn," Rachel says slowly, "we're having a baby."

He stares at her for a moment. There's a baby, half him and half her, growing inside of Rachel at this very moment.

His face breaks out into a smile. "We're having a baby," he repeats.

Tearfully, she nods.

He stands up, hugging her tightly, kissing the side of her face. "I love you so much," he whispers, and he hears her murmur the words in return. He can't believe they're having a _baby_.

This could very well be the happiest day of his life.

* * *

They move their wedding up a few months so Rachel will only be four months along (and will have to make fewer adjustments to her dress). It's a little stressful, getting everything together, but Kurt helps out a lot, and so do Finn's mom and Rachel's dads. They're all really excited about the baby as well, and sure, they didn't plan for this, but the idea of being a dad makes Finn really excited. Well, equal parts terrified and excited, really, but excited nonetheless.

As the wedding draws closer, Rachel's nerves become more frazzled, and Finn's really worried she might have some sort of breakdown. He's even more concerned about the stress of the wedding having an effect on her now that she's pregnant, and he's trying not to be, like, overly protective, but he has his kid to worry about to as well as Rachel.

A week before their wedding, he finds her crying in the bedroom, and he's instantly on red alert, heading over to her instantly. She's curled up on the bed, gripping what he thinks is her veil.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks. He perches precariously next to her on the bed, gently reaching out to rub her back.

"I got my veil out to look at it and it's r-ripped," she bubblers, holding it out so he can see. Sure enough, there is a clear tear in the fabric. "And now our whole wedding is going to be _ruined_."

"No, it's not," he assures her. He knows her emotions are heightened right now due to the pregnancy, but he thinks it's also something else. "Rach, I don't care if your veil is ripped, and I won't care if you wear a bunch of rags next Saturday. No matter what, I'm just happy I get to marry you."

She sniffs, but he can tell she's still not really convinced.

"Remember that teapot I got you in the secret Santa exchange a few years ago?" he asks finally.

Rachel looks confused, but she nods.

"I didn't give you the complete present," he admits quietly.

"What?" She blinks.

He stands up, crosses the room to the dresser. He opens the drawer that has all of his socks and underwear in it, reaching to the very back, where, pressed against the wood, is the letter he stuck in the teapot but didn't have the courage to give her. He pulls it out, smoothes out a few of the wrinkles, then walks back over to the bed.

"I took this out before I gave it to you," he confesses, "but I want you to have it now."

She looks up at him curiously, then to the piece of paper he holds in his hands. With shaking fingers, she grabs it.

"I saw this in there," she murmurs as she glances over it, "didn't I?"

He ducks his head, smiles a little. "Yeah, but I had, uh, already decided it wasn't the right time." He looks back up at her. "You'll see why once you read it."

She frowns, then looks down at the piece of paper and begins to read. "_Dear Rachel_," she begins, and he didn't really think she would read it _out loud_, but he doesn't think he minds. He practically knows it all by heart anyway. "_First of all, Merry Christmas. I really think you'll like this present, because, not to brag or anything, I kind of know you really well. You're my best friend. And so much more than that, even if you don't know it._" She glances up at him then, but he gestures for her to continue. So she does. "_I love you, Rachel Berry. I think I have ever since my first day, when you told me to watch out for Jesse and you ate your Very Berry yogurt, pausing every now and then to lick the spoon clean. I know that you're with Brody, and I know that I'm probably not anything to you other than this goofy guy who can sometimes make you laugh, but you're everything to me, and I think you always will be. Merry Christmas. I hope you like your teapot. Finn._"

He's been watching her the whole time, gauging her reaction, and when she finally looks up at him, her eyes are filled with tears. "Everything?" she whispers throatily.

He nods. He can feel a few tears stinging his eyes as well. "You still are," he promises. "Only now it's you and the baby."

She starts to cry, but he's pretty sure these are happy tears this time. She launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her tears dampening his sweater a little bit. He just kisses the top of her head, rubs her back soothingly, telling her it's okay.

"I don't deserve you," she manages to get out, but he just shushes her.

"Yes, you do," he tells her instead. "We're both here now, and we're getting married, and then we're going to have a baby, and everything is exactly where it's supposed to be, okay?"

She smiles, and he wipes away the remaining tears skirting down her cheeks. "I love you so much, Finn Hudson, and I can't wait to marry you."

"Even if your veil rips – which we can totally fix by next by the way – or even if everything doesn't seem like it's one hundred percent perfect?"

She laughs. "Even then," she promises.

"Good," he whispers, and then he kisses her gently, one hand covering her slight baby bump.

* * *

The wedding goes off without a hitch. Rachel absolutely blows him away as she's walking down the aisle; he's pretty sure she's literally glowing, and he knows he must be the luckiest man alive to get to spend the rest of his life with her. She smiles brightly at him when she reaches the end of the aisle, and then her dads are placing her hand in his. He clasps her fingers tightly, helps her up the altar, and then gives her hand one last reassuring squeeze before they officially become man and wife.

The reception goes by in a blur. The things that stand out, looking back, are Jesse getting beamed in the face with the bouquet, Rachel shoving cake in his face, and, of course, the first dance he and Rachel share as husband and wife. Finn's a pretty terrible dancer, but Rachel doesn't seem to mind. She seems content to just sway back and forth, smiling up at him every few seconds, and he knows he's married the best girl in the world.

They leave a little early because Rachel's feeling tired, and since she's pregnant, he doesn't question it. They don't have a hotel suite or anything; they just head back to their house, but Finn's definitely not complaining. Rachel's not too tired to consummate their marriage, and he's starting to wonder if she was actually tired at all, or if her hormones were just getting the best of her.

"You promise I'm still pretty, even though I'm going to be getting bigger day by day?" Rachel asks, nails raking his scalp as he presses kisses along her jaw line.

Finn pulls back to look at her. "Rachel, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he answers honestly, "and the fact that you're carrying our baby is only going to make that more and more true with each passing day."

She grins, seemingly having deemed this answer as acceptable, before gripping the back of his neck and pulling his face back to hers.

They go slow, taking their time. He helps her out of his wedding dress and she gently undoes each button on his dress shirt, going almost painstakingly slow, her fingers finally sliding against his bare skin as she pushes it off of his shoulder. He kisses her, tongue sliding into her mouth as his fingers find the clasp of her strapless bra. Once the fabric falls away, he gently cups her breasts, and she puts her hands on top of his, helping him knead gently. She groans against his mouth, then guides his lands lower, until they're resting on the slight curve of her stomach, their unborn child beneath them.

Finn smiles, swooping down to press a few sloppy kisses to her tummy. She giggles, gently running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you both so much," she whispers, and he grins, repeating her sentiment.

He loves them both more than words could ever say, and he thinks he's alright with spending the rest of his life showing them just how much.

* * *

Rachel's seven months pregnant when she gets the phone call about doing another show in New York. Finn tells her to say yes, that she'll do it, but she just tells them that she'll get back to them, that she has to talk things over with her husband first.

"What's there to talk about?" Finn asks. "Rach, you already deferred your dreams once, and I'm not gonna let you do it again."

"Finn, it's not that simple—"

"Yeah, it is," he tells her. "This show is an actual Off-Broadway show, Rach, which is already a bigger deal than the last one."

"Our lives are here," she tells him, "our jobs—"

"Rachel, I can find something anywhere," he tells her gently, cupping her cheek. "The show starts rehearsals in, what, five months?"

Rachel bites her lip. Nods.

"After the baby's born, we can just move out there," he says with a shrug.

"You really think so?" Rachel asks, voice quiet.

"Yeah, I mean, we both knew that working at McKinley was supposed to be temporary anyway, and Rachel, you love New York, don't even try to tell me you don't."

She laughs a little at that.

"C'mon, Rach," he says gently. "We can _do _this."

She's silent for a few moments, studying his face intently. Then, finally, she says, "Alright."

"Yes?" he asks, just to be sure. "We're moving to New York?"

She nods, smiles. "We're moving to New York," she affirms.

He laughs, leaning over to kiss her cheek before hugging her tightly. "You're gonna be so amazing on that stage, baby," he tells her.

"I know," she responds cheekily, her hands resting on her swollen stomach. "But first, we have to focus on bringing this little one into the world before we focus on bringing light and joy into the lives of others through song."

He just laughs and kisses her again, resting a hand against her stomach, the feeling of their child moving present beneath his fingers.

* * *

They both let Will know they'll be leaving in a few months, and he's actually really cool about the whole thing. They both say they'll keep working up until April, since they're moving in May, but Finn honestly expected Rachel to stop before he did, seeing as she's due at the end of March. He actually tries to convince her to take her maternity leave early, but she insists that the least she can do is stay up until she's literally ready to give birth.

Neither one of them realize at the time how true that statement will end up being.

Rachel's sure she won't go into labor on her _actual _due date, so she goes to work that morning anyway, even though Finn's pretty much completely on edge about the whole thing.

"Honestly, Finn," she says, clearly annoyed, "I'm not going to burst into flames at any moment. And, besides, it's more likely that I'll go into labor later this week. A due date is an estimation, not an exact science."

Finn just rolls his eyes, but he lets her waddle all the way to the elevator before he grips her elbow, helping her inside.

He keeps watching her from his desk, her tongue poking adorably out the side of her mouth as she balances a few documents on her impossibly large belly. He can't help this nagging feeling that something is going to happen today, something huge, something like their baby being born, even if Rachel insists that can't be the case.

He finally lets his guard down a little by around three o'clock, knowing that they have only two more hours, and the fact that Rachel could go into labor during that time is slim to none. He goes into the break room to get a small snack. He's trying to decide between a nutty bar and a homemade cinnamon roll from the batch he thinks Quinn brought in this morning when he hears Will call his name.

He sighs, knowing it's probably nothing important. He takes a few extra seconds, finally deciding on the nutty bar, when he hears his name being called _again_, only not by Will this time. It sounds an awful lot like Rachel.

With wide eyes, he sprints back into the main office area, and sure enough, Rachel's doubled over, Will clutching one of her hands while she's clutching her stomach. There's a puddle beneath her.

"Shit," Finn breathes, "Rachel, are you in labor?"

She looks up, sees Finn, and gives him a grim smile. "I – I think my water just broke, and I had some pain that might've been contractions earlier but I thought it was just me being uncomfortable, and I'm not ready Finn, I'm not—"

"Hey, hey," he says gently, quickly crossing the distance between them and taking her hand from Will. "We can do this, Rachel. We're ready, alright? You know we are."

"Finn, I'm so scared, I really thought she wouldn't come today—"

"Wait – she?" They had both opted on not finding out the sex of their baby, and they've been referring to it constantly as "the baby" or "they," so he's definitely thrown.

She bites her lip, then winces, gripping her stomach again. He assumes it's another contraction, and he grips her hand comfortingly. Once it passes, she pants out, "I'm so sorry, Finn, I couldn't wait, I called the office last week, please don't be mad—"

"Mad?" he asks, and he laughs. He can't believe this. "We're – we're having a little baby _girl_." He laughs again, and he can't stop smiling.

She smiles back at him, tears gathering in her eyes. "Yeah, we are," she replies softly.

"Then let's go have her," Finn says, trying to guide her in the direction of the elevator, but she seems to be frozen in place.

"Finn, I'm scared," she whispers, and she seems to suddenly be aware that everyone in the office is watching them.

"Hey, hey, look at me," he insists, waiting until she does, "you can do this. Rachel, you're literally the strongest person I know, and this – this is gonna be _so _worth it, because we're gonna get to meet our baby girl. Don't you wanna meet her today?"

Tearfully, Rachel nods.

"Okay, you wanna go down to the car with me?"

She bites her lip, then nods again.

"I'll drive you," Will offers immediately, and Finn doesn't tell him not to bother. Maybe it'll be better that way anyway, if he can be with her the whole time.

They wave goodbye to everyone else in the office, then they're off to the hospital. Finn's equal parts nervous and excited about meeting his baby, but he knows that it's going to be completely worth it, all of this pain and stress, just like he told Rachel.

* * *

Seventeen hours of labor later, their little girl, their little Grace, is in Rachel's arms, staring up at the both of them. The entire office is outside practically, and Finn honestly doesn't know what he expected, but right now, here with his two girls, he's too happy to care.

Grace squirms a little, lets out a yawn, and he's already so captivated by her. He and Rachel both are.

"She's perfect," Rachel breathes, running a hand over the downy tufts of hair on her head, and Finn definitely has to agree. He didn't know he could love someone so much so quickly.

Grace stretches, and he holds his finger out so she can grip onto it with her tiny hand. She blinks up at him, and he smiles. "She really is."

Rachel nuzzles into him, and he knows they can't stay here like this, in a too-small hospital bed staring at their daughter, forever, but for a moment, he really wishes they could.

A nurse comes in then, asks if Rachel's ready to try breast-feeding, and the moment is broken. He knows they'll have plenty more moments like the last one, though, so he just gets off the bed, his eyes never leaving his daughter as Rachel starts undoing her hospital gown.

Grace is so beautiful. Like, not being biased or anything, he's pretty sure she's the most beautiful baby in the world. (Okay, maybe he's just a _little_ biased.)

She latches on right away (that's his girl), and Rachel gasps in surprise before looking back over at Finn, tears in her eyes. "We did it," she whispers.

"We did it," he agrees, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "And I think we did a pretty good job."

"We really did," Rachel murmurs, gently running a finger down their daughter's cheek.

Finn sits back and just watches them more a moment, his little family, and he thinks about how, if someone had told him three years ago that he would be married to Rachel Berry as well as a new dad, he would have laughed and said, "Yeah, right."

But that's his life, and it's kind of awesome. He couldn't be more grateful for everything that's led him to this day, to this moment, because this moment is kind of the most perfect thing he's been part of.

* * *

Moving with a two month old isn't easy, but they manage. Finn's parents and Rachel's dads and even Kurt help them out – although Kurt's way of helping seems to be playing with Grace rather than carrying in boxes.

Rachel's just kind of insanely happy, and Finn can tell that she's already in her element even though they've only been living here for a matter of hours. Her happiness is definitely rubbing off on him though, and it's also rubbing off on Grace. It's kind of insane how in tune to Rachel she is, but her moods often mirror her mother's. Finn thinks it's adorable that she wants to be like her already.

Once they unpack the majority of their things, everyone heads out for the hotels they're staying in for the evening, leaving Finn and Rachel (and Grace, of course) alone in their apartment for the first time.

Finn's in their bed, playing around with the television they've hung on the wall, while Rachel puts Grace down for the night. He starts his job at a sports marketing agency on Monday, and he thinks he's going to really enjoy doing something he actually likes for once.

"Hey."

He looks up to see Rachel leaning against the door jamb, smiling at him. Her hair is in a bun on top of her head, and she looks tired, but she also looks completely beautiful. She always does.

"Hey," he replies, patting the bed next to him.

She crosses the room, crawling onto the bed, getting herself situated so she's leaning into his side. "Grace fell asleep right away," she murmurs.

"She had a big day," Finn points out.

"So did I," Rachel mumbles against his shirt, and he laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Poor baby," he mutters.

She pouts until he kisses her, giggling against his lips.

"You know, we haven't christened this apartment yet," he mutters huskily. Ever since Rachel got cleared to have a week ago, he's impossibly wanted her even more.

Rachel smiles devilishly. "We haven't, have we?"

He shakes his head. "And we have probably a few hours before Grace wakes up, demanding we give her attention."

Rachel laughs. "Such a little diva."

She squeals then when Finn presses his lips against her collar bone, his fingers sliding under her shirt, and he can feel her heart beating in time with his. He doesn't know how or why he got this lucky, but he's definitely grateful.

* * *

Two years later, they get an invitation to attend Jesse and Quinn's wedding. Finn's honestly kind of surprised, because they haven't really stayed in touch that much since they moved, but Rachel thinks they should go, so they do. They leave Grace and Chris (who's only a couple of months old), with his mom (who is _completely _ecstatic they're visiting Lima) while they attend the ceremony.

Rachel keeps saying that she knew Jesse and Quinn would get married someday, and Finn gives her a dubious look, but he doesn't say anything else. He'll let her have this moment.

The ceremony is a little weird, but nice enough (which kind of strangely summarizes Jesse and Quinn's relationship), and then they get to see the rest of their former colleagues at the reception. Rachel passes around her phone, showing off pictures of the kids, and Finn catches up with Puck and Santana.

He's kindly of weirdly missed these people, even though he wouldn't change his life in New York with his family for the world. He actually loves his job, and Rachel's currently about to start rehearsals for her first show on Broadway, so yeah, life's pretty good.

He never thought that he'd go from being the guy who loved a girl who loved someone else to the guy who has it all, but he's definitely not complaining. Squeezing Rachel's hand as she shows a picture of Grace and Chris to Brittany, he knows that somehow, this is exactly where he's supposed to be, and he couldn't be more grateful than he is right now.

* * *

**thanks so much for reading, and i appreciate any feedback! :)**


End file.
